For magazines dated May 18, 2009

Sorry for the delay folks. For all of you musical folks...2 song lyrics in this part of the report. Both were Top 40 hits in their respective days. One person is a rock icon, the other person...isn't...but S/he has a very respectable career even if s/he never sees the inside of the Rock & Roll Hall of fame.

Before I get into the OuttaTouch portion of the report, a few words about the Lies & Shit issue -



Below is a picture of a scanned page from the Lies & Shite (above) that I got from Jezebel.com's tab report. They, too, had a story about X and Brad "getting close again"...but they're story referred to the fact that the location of the hotel in Brad's SoftBank commercial shoot was about 6 blocks from the hotel X is staying at while filming her next dud. I thought I snapped pix of that story, too, but I can't find them and now I'm kicking myself for not checking sooner. The story is very careful not to say that Brad and X have met up while in NYC. In fact, it's just the opposite. It concentrates on how easy it would be for Brad (or Angie) to accidentally run into X. Their story DOES NOT corroborate OuttaTouch's tale (below) when one would think these two rags would get together and tell a similar story to at least make their tales look plausible. Anyhoo - the pic from Jezebel is a sidebar to the L&S story - it's about X copying Angie's style. Can't imagine where they could have gotten this idea. Gosh, it's not like WE'VE discussed it a gazillion times or anything like that...


(Click on the picture to enlarge - it will open it in a new window)





Get out your barf buckets, ladies. This story is like Faniston's wet dream and I'm almost positive OuttaTouch got the idea to do this story from that nauseating JenHen fanfic that someone posted on JJ's. Whoever you are...THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

This entire story is a big ass trip down Remember When Lane. It reminds me that I had a friend was a big baseball player back in high school. He could throw that speedball by you, make you look like a fool. Saw him the other night at this roadside bar. I was walking in, he was walking out. We went back inside sat down had a few drinks and he kept wanting to talk about shit he'll never get back. That's the JenHens' life for the last 4 years and 4 months - a 24/7/365 stroll down Remember when Lane.


BRAD & JEN'S TEARFUL REUNION

It's the moment everyone has been waiting for - Brad Pitt finally meets up with Jennifer Aniston

As tension escalates between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, sources close to the couple are predicting that a permanent split may be near. "They're just trying to take each day as it comes," says one longtime friend. (Sidebar: Sounds like OuttaTouch's writer has been through a few 12 step programs, don't it?) And another reveals that, in the house they're renting on Long Island while Angelina works on her new film Salt, "the tone is cold. They're barely speaking." (Sidebar: I've said it before and I'll say it again - just because a couple isn't speaking doesn't mean they're not making the beast with two backs every chance they get...)

Yet as he copes with tension at home Brad has been getting support from an unlikely ally - his ex-wife, Jennifer Aniston. (Sidebar: Puh-leeze. That bitch needs her Godless Circle just to blow her nose. How in the hell can she lend "support" to anyone else? She had no interest in doing that during that marriage and considering the woman hates change and has repeated her neurotic clingy act with every man she's hooked up with since Brad dumped her...I sincerely doubt she's learned her lesson.) Friends say that in recent weeks, Brad and Jen, 40, have been talking frequently on the phone and texting each other, their conversations becoming longer and more personal as he confides in her about his current situation. (Sidebar: Ruh-roh! X is gonna be pissed that OuttaTouch keeps reminding people she's FUCKING OLD!)(Sidebar: ROTFLMAO. Yeah, right. Brad's gonna spill all his troubles to the woman he told he needed figure out what he wanted in his life and didn't want to be married to HER while he did it. But now he's figured out that thing he wants is to tell her all about the problems in his new relationship? As freaking if.) "It's a crazy position for Jen to be in - that of a shoulder to cry on," one of her pals admits. (Sidebar: Ooh, nice touch, OuttaTouch. Remember when that UK or Aussie tabloid wrote that fake quote from Angie saying all she'd ever been during the M&MS shoot was a shoulder for Brad to cry on?) "But she's excellent in a crisis, (Sidebar: Oh really? That's why she TWICE freaked out when Norman went missing and made Brad fly all the way to her film locations to help her find him. And let's not forget that this is the woman who cries when she finds a gray her that her colorist missed and is a self-described neurotic. Neurotics are NOT exactly known for being clear-headed and sharp in a crisis.) she's happy to have Brad back in her life. She's missed him as much as he's missed her." (Sidebar: Brad missed her so badly he couldn't be bothered to speak to her in person at the Oscars and during their divorce frequently relayed messages to her to back the fuck off Plan B through his attorneys. That's just all kinds of warm-and-fuzzy, ain't it?)

AN EMOTIONAL NIGHT

In fact, In touch can exclusively reveal (Sidebar: Exclusive = "We made this shit up.") that on April 23, after Brad visited Angelina, 31, on the NYC set of Salt, he drove across town to where Jen's film, The Baster is in production - and the pair quietly met face-to-face. (Sidebar: Dear OuttaTouch editor, If you're going to lie try to do it about a day when there's not photographic evidence that disproves your story. There was a ratzi who snapped pix of Brad entering the Salt set alone. There are pix of Brad exiting the Salt set ONLY ONCE and Angelina was with him. The ratzi, once they have located their target and know they can get some money snaps, DO NOT LEAVE. They will pee on themselves rather than give up a potentially huge shot of "Brangelina". Therefore Brad only left Angie's set once and it was with her. Somehow I doubt he took Angie over to meet Jen when they couldn't be bothered to speak to her when she was 20 feet away 2 months earlier.) "He pulled up in a black SUV," reveals a mutual friend of the former couple, although JEN'S REP DENIES THE STORY. "He arrived on the opposite end of the set from where Jen's trailer was, and Jen snuck into his car. They drove around New York City together talking." (Sidebar: Bear in mind that the ratzi have been camped out on X's set day and night - as Jared's pictorial barferia proves - and they've gotten money shots of X EVERY DAY...BUT...they missed this one day because X is so damned stealthy? What's the CIA waiting for - send X to find Bin Laden.) According to the friend, the conversation was warm and deeply personal, with the exes, who were married for nearly five years, catching up on their lives over cups of Starbucks coffee. (Sidebar: Where'd they get the coffee? Surely Brad didn't leave Angie's set, stop at Starbucks for a couple of non-fat lattes, then get BACK in his SUV...that, BTW, was chauffeured...then go to X's set...all without the ratzi seeing him? Or did X, stealthy bitch that she is, manage to snag TWO cups of coffee on her set, juggled them, her smokes and lighter [she took those along because - a) she can't go more than 10 minutes with one; and b) she knows Brad gave up smoking for his family...girl's gotta use her best assets to get what she wants, don't she?] She didn't bother with the Pokies though. She knows Brad's already hip to the secret of permanently erect nips. All this while zigzagging her way across the movie set, without the ratzi snapping her, but WITH the knowledge of the aforementioned insider, and into Brad's chauffeured SUV? No wonder she wants to be a Bond Ho. Girlfriend's got mad crazy untapped skillz!)

"Brad confessed his feelings to Jen," the friend says. (Sidebar: Oddly enough, PT has an exclusive of her own - I know EXACTLY what Brad confessed. He said...and I quote, "I want you and I'm hatin' it. Got me lit like a candlestick. Get too hot when you touch the tip. I'm feelin' it, I gotta getta grip. And it's drivin me crazy. Baby don't you quit. Can't get enough of it. You got me goin' again. Baby, you got me goin' again.") "He told her that he's trying to make his relationship with Angelina work, but it is failing." (Sidebar: Yet another thing that the UK/Aussie tab claimed Angie said - that Brad told her he was trying to save his marriage, but it was pretty much burnt toast and half as much fun.) After about an hour, Brad dropped Jen off at The Greenwich Hotel and drove away. (Sidebar: Soooooo...at what point did X tell her director she was leaving for the day to go trip down memory lane with the man who supposedly ripped her tar-blackened, shriveled up heart out of her leathery chest and danced a flamenco on it? X is in no position to piss off producers (and the director) by disappearing during the middle of a shoot. The budget for the entire movie is prolly only about $25MIL and I doubt they'd appreciate X wasting production money on what's sure to be money-loser anyway.)

The meeting had been something they'd been organizing for weeks. "They planned it meticulously so no one would find out." the friend says. (Sidebar: And yet those Wonder Sleuths at OuttaTouch did just that. Amazing, right? No wonder X didn't get the Bond Ho role...guess her skillz aren't "mad crazy" enough.) "He's trying his best not to anger Angelina because she's so unpredictable right now." (Sidebar: Undoubtedly that's because of the Star pregnancy, which OuttaTouch apparently hasn't heard Angie's using as a means to keep Brad...)

Though Jen has said that she and Brad, 45, have kept in regular contact since their 2005 split, (Sidebar: No, that's not what X said. X said that "We don't not talk." and that there was an exchange when some major life event occurs. In other words, she's been drunk dialing Brad's mother for over 4 years to get Jane to congratulate Brad on the latest kiddie addition to his family...and Jane, in turn, lied to X about how Brad laughed riotously each time Jane told him who X was currently dating and/or got dumped by. That is how you "Don't not talk.") their phone chats reached a new level a few days before Easter. "He called her late at night. He told her he misses her," Jen's pal explains. "He said he hopes they can be close again one day." (Sidebar: As you know, OuttaTouch claimed the last 2 weeks that Brad was in France and didn't spend Easter with his family, so I'm shocked, shocked I tell ya, that they didn't claim Brad was free to speak his mind because he was in France and Angie a few thousand miles away in NY. I guess Mr. Spencer, et. al., skipped the second hour of the "How To Write A Convincing Tabloid Story: Maintaining Continuity" seminar.)

After Jen replied that she "welcomed" the idea of being friends again, Brad was grateful. "He called back the next day, the pal says, adding, "This time he was emotional." Before long, Brad was calling frequently, confiding in Jen about his relationship problems. "He told her how tough it was for him with Angelina right now." the pal explains. "He told her he's worried about losing the kids." Heartbroken, but still so attached to his six children, (Sidebar: They make the kids sound like his favorite pair of $2,000 handmade Gucci loafers.) Brad fears a future without the family he's worked so hard to build. (Sidebar: The family BRAD worked so hard to build? According to what Brad told Okra last year it's ANGIE who did the heavy lifting...y'all know how I like to trot out the Brad & Angie quotes... Brad talking about the W mag pix - "When Angie is usually shot she’s seen as a femme fatale, she does that very well, but also she has the biggest heart and inexhaustible spirit and sweetness and goodness, and she’s the real glue of the family, and that’s what I wanted to portray in that.)

And Jen feels for him. Though there's no love lost between her and Angelina, (Sidebar: Pffft. I highly doubt X's name ever enters Angie's head unless they're being told by their peeps that X is flapping her gums over the divorce or butts her way into an awards show she has reason to be at.) the pal says that Jen knows how much Brad adores - (mentally list those kids names and ages...again...). And she understands he's particularly afraid of losing his non-biological children, Maddox, Pax, and Zahara, whom he never officially adopted. (Sidebar: I'll let Angie handle this one herself,

http://www.rd.com/your-america-inspiring-people-and-stories/angelina-jolie-on-being-a-mother-of-4/article38631.html

RD: So have you and Brad thought about getting married?
Jolie: There's no big conspiracy behind our decision not to. We've both been married before. Our focus when we got together was family, and we are legally bound to our children. That really seems to be the most important thing.)

"She wants to be a good friend to him now," the pal says of Jen, who admitted in Vanity Fair that she will love Brad for the rest of her life. "Brad's a mess right now, and that's hurting her." (Sidebar: This is the same woman who said her dog was better than any man she'd ever had in her life and declared that Brad was NOT the love of her life. But...NOW she wants to be a "good friend" to him? Talk about locking the barn door after the horse has already bolted...)

To their close friends, Jen's reaction isn't surprising. She still cares deeply for Brad and, in a way, views him as family. Over the years, she's kept in touch with Brad's parents - particularly his mother, Jane, who has encouraged her son to talk to his ex. And Brad was one of the first people to call Jen's father, John, a few years back when he was hospitalized with heart problems. (Sidebar: "Heart problems"? I guess you could call a HEART ATTACK a "problem". Plus, Brad called John directly NOT X, so how is this relevant?) "Brad always has a great deal of time for Jen's dad," says another pal. (Sidebar: Like I've said in the past, John Aniston is a very likeable bloke...his lack of influence in X's formative years is muy obvioso. Plus, unlike his daughter, John didn't expect Brad to prop up his career and get him work.)

A SPECIAL GIFT

After so much time has gone by, Brad and jean seem to have grown to value their friendship more. And he's proving it by wearing a necklace she gave him for his 45th birthday on December 18. "It's an antique pendant," a confidante shares, adding that she left it for him at the offices of his production company, Plan B. "She found it, and knew Brad would love it." (Sidebar: Not bloody likely! X wouldn't dare show her face (or send a flunky or a package) at Plan B's offices. Not after she tried to hijack the company after the dumping, cast herself in all the projects and had her Godless Circle buddy Kristin Hahn spy on Brad for her. Methinks DeDe Gardner would call in SWAT to take away any packages sent to their office by X. And we all know she had a flunky deliver it because she'd never have the balls to go there and risk running into Angie...who DeDe Gardner actually LIKES rather than merely tolerating.)

Oddly, it isn't the first gift she's given him. (Sidebar: Just when you think OuttaTouch can't make X look any more desperate, pathetic and clinging to the past...) The confidante reveals that in the years since their divorce, Jen has never forgotten Brad's birthday - sending presents to Plan B or through mutual friends, rather than his home, so as not to "stir up trouble" with Angelina. "Jen's never had anything but good feelings for Brad. She can't help it." (Sidebar: Good God. Even I don't think X is THIS pathetic! A woman who'd send presents to a man who dumped you, sorry, told you he wanted to figure out what he wanted in life and didn't want to be married, to you specifically, while he did that, and then erased your presence from a company you were once a MINOR part of, humiliated you in front of the world by making a beeline for a younger, hotter, smarter, less needy, not clingy, non-neurotic, more successful woman...AND become father to her son, then within 4 months of your divorce being filed adopt a child with her, then get her preggers within weeks of your divorce becoming final and ultimately end up with a whole passel of gorgeous children with her - shit...you'd would have to be the most pathetic creature to ever walk the earth! Even I think X stopped drunk-dialing Brad after the first year...or so...and she definitely stopped doing it after she was told Angie was preggers...the second time that is...)


While her previous gifts were a bit less personal - a sweater, a book on architecture - the necklace is particularly special. Though Brad wore it briefly after first receiving it (Sidebar: No, they DO NOT provide a picture proving this statement.) he's put it on a lot more lately, one of his associates says. "Brad doesn't take that necklace off for days at a time. It's almost like he's trying to keep up a connect to Jen as his relationship with Angelina weakens." (Sidebar: Brad has NEVER clung to women once he's left them. Never. He didn't do it with Putrid, even though she begged his forgiveness. He didn't do it with Juliette Lewis. But...OuttaTouch wants you to believe X is just so darned special that he can't resist going back for seconds. The woman who's been through 90 men since Brad dumped her 4+ years ago. She's getting dumped for a reason and something tells me that 2 minutes in her presence would make Brad remember WHY in a heartbeat.)

That may be the case. While Brad and Jen's friends insist their relationship is purely platonic, the associate says, "Jen and Brad both seem to agree that they gave up on their marriage without enough of a fight. They've had many 'what if' conversations." (Sidebar: Let's see...they'd been having problems since shortly after they married in July 2001...spent most of 2003 apart on what many have said was a trial separation...then spend roughly 3/4 of 2004 apart when they both knew they were bailing water from the bow of the Titanic... I'm thinking Brad has no regrets about dumping her when he did and is probably sorry he didn’t do it in 2003 so he'd been free to pursue Angie when they met in January 2004 and have a severe case of blue ballsitis for over 16 months before he could tap that Jolie ass. Just my guess though. I mean what do I know...just because the man hasn't left Angie's side for more than 8 days in-a-row when in his previous relationship he frequently spent less than 8 days at a time WITH X and months and months and months WITHOUT seeing X...means nothing...I'm sure...)

Dr. Gilda Carle (Sidebar: This shrink has no other clients and based on the comments she gives OuttaTouch...I know why.) says that Brad seems to be trying to reignite a romance with his ex-wife. "It is so common," explains Dr. Gilda, the author of the new e- book ________________ (Sidebar: I'm still not giving Dr. Sold Soul To OuttaTouch free advertising), who does not work with any of the stars. "That's the person you know and trust. Especially if that person is single and available when you come to her." (Sidebar: That's X's problem - she's available. As in "easy." If she didn't put out on a first date, then maybe she'd actually find a guy she didn't have to cling to like a leech to a fresh blood supply to keep him interested in her. Bitch has never heard the old adage, "Why buy the cow when you've tasted the milk and it was sour." Come to think of it - except for paid boyfriends...men don't come back to X for seconds, do they?)

But while she says "anything can happen," between two people who were once in love, Dr. Gilda cautions Jen to be careful - and remember that Brad leads a complicated life. (Sidebar: Complicated = He doesn't have time to tan and exercise 24/7 anymore.) "She needs to understand that he's not the same man he was when they were together. (Sidebar: Yeah, he actually does shit without the Coquettes now and hasn't been to Meh-hee-co in over 5 years. The horror!) She can never go home again, because it's not the same home. He's got a brood of six kids! Things have changed." (Sidebar: Well, listen to Dr. Thomas Wolfe Rip-off. Let's file this quote under, "No shit, Sherlock!")


PHOTOS - The main photo for this fuckery is a Photoshopped pic of X and Brad side-by-side with a photo of Angie in an inset. The caption reads: "ANGELINA IS DRIVING HIM AWAY - She's upset with Brad, but doesn't want to talk about their problems, says an insider. "She's throwing herself into her movie." (Sidebar: I'm gonna let Brad refute this stupidity himself - http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,25016449-5001026,00.html What makes your relationship work? ======== Angie is very open and direct and we enjoy being able to be free with our thoughts and feelings with each other. We enjoy having that rapport and way of living.)


Sit tight...this story had a gazillion sidebars. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then I figure OuttaTouch got ripped off...none of these pix do anything to prove anything they wrote in this story is true...

SIDEBAR: THEY HAVE BEEN SLOWLY GETTING CLOSER

1. SHE DROPPED OFF GIFTS - pic of Brad doing in NO doing an interview for MIR last fall...he's wearing a newsboy cap and a sweater...

Before their divorce, Jennifer was a partner in Brad's Plan B production company, which produced 2008's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Although Jen bowed out after their split, over the past few years she's left gifts and messages for Brad at Plan B's offices. (Sidebar of my own: "Bowed out" = Brad forced X out of the company by buying Brad Grey's shares when Grey left to take the CEO job at Paramount, selling a small share to DeDe Gardner and completely severing any remaining ties between him and X so the bitch would never again have an excuse to contact him This includes eventually firing her Godless Circle friend (for spying on him and reporting back to X), who was preggers at the time, but too damned bad. She should have thought of that before she ratted him out and broke her confidentiality agreement. Therefore, X had no remaining ties at Plan B and wouldn't dare send shit to Brad there because there was nobody who'd stick their neck out for her and deliver those gifts for risk of being fired. I call Bullshit on OuttaTouch.)

2. THE OSCARS WERE A TURNING POINT - 2 pics, Brad & Angie on the RC, then X on stage, sucking in her double-Spanxed gut, at the Oscars

Seeing each other for the first time in years in February brought back a lot of fuzzy feelings for both Brad and Jen. "Jen shot Brad a smile because she still genuinely has warm feelings for him," a friend said. "She wanted him to know she wasn't there to start a fight." (Sidebar of my own: Yep...the feelings were so darn genuinely warm and fuzzy that X didn't have the guts to go up to Brad and speak to him. And on Brad's part he was so impressed by X's smile and not wanting to start a fight with Angie that he did her a favor and didn't speak to her or acknowledge her in any way, shape or form that was noticeable by anyone but Fanistons and tabloid employees.)

3. HIS MOM LOVES JEN BEST - pic of Brad & Jane at LA CCOBB premiere

Jane Pitt always encouraged Brad to keep things friendly with Jennifer. "Jen decided it was time to bury the hatchet, so she sent Brad a message through his mom, and that opened up their communication," a friend explains. (Sidebar of my own: X had to send a message through Jane because Brad changed all his phone numbers after X drunk-dialed him for 3+ years!)


SIDEBAR: HE'S WEARING HER PRESENT - pic of Bread wearing a pendant necklace with an arrow pointing to an inset pic of X wearing a similar pendant necklace

Jen gave Brad a gold necklace for his birthday in December, but in recent weeks he's been wearing it almost constantly - something that Dr. Gilda Carle says is very telling: "He's letting Jen know that he's available to her and emotionally involved with her on some level," says Dr. Gilda, who does not work with either star. Jen has also been wearing a similar pendant. (Sidebar of my own: Notice how here they say it's a "similar" pendant, but on the cover they draw an arrow between the two pendants with led people to believe they were both wearing the SAME pendant? BTW, I looked through old pix and as far as I can tell Brad's been wearing that chain and pendant pretty regularly for a while - going back at least to January's Newsweek roundtable (there are pix of the Newsweek roundtable photoshoot at SimplyBrad.com. I've pasted one below...



(Click on the photo to enlarge it - it will open in a new window)

Yet OuttaTouch is claiming he just now started wearing it "regularly" because of X. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to determine exactly when he started wearing the pendant because it was winter and in a lot of pix he's got on a coat, sweater, scarf or something that's covering any jewelry he may have been wearing. As far as anyone knows, and that includes OuttaTouch, Brad could have been wearing this pendant BEFORE his b-day but the J-Ps were either out of the country or in winter clothes and Brad is certainly NOT obligated to tell OuttaTouch where, when and why he got the jewelry he's wearing.)


SIDEBAR: JEWELRY MEANS SO MUCH TO HIM (Y'all need to thank the good lord you didn't have to look at the nauseating X/Brad photo nostalgia that accompanied this sidebar)

1. HE DESIGNED THEIR WEDDING RINGS: pic Brad and the slag's "official" wedding pic

For their July 2000 wedding, Brad designed matching white-gold bands decorated with small diamonds. (Sidebar of my own: So what? He's designed and given jewelry to almost every woman he's had a seriously relationship with. But...Did he ever give X any of his babies? Uh, not.)

2. BRAD KEPT JEN'S NAME CLOSE: pic of Brad and X at some even with an inset close-up of the necklace Brad's wearing with X's name on it

At the Emmy Awards in September 2000, Brad wore a pendant necklace that spelled out Jen's name. (Sidebar of my own: So he wore some lousy pendant with X's name on it. In an interview about a year after they first got together X talked about how she and Brad had talked about getting matching tats. Yet he never tattooed her birthdate, post-coital scribblings, name or even her damned Social Security Number upon his mighty fine personage.)

3. HE WORE ANGELINA'S RING: pic of Brad with a close-up of his hand and THAT ring

In 2005, Brad started wearing a new ring - "the anti-ring ring," he called it, telling GQ that it came from "a friend." (Sidebar of my own: The GQ interview was done in early March 2005. roughly 7 weeks after he dumped the albatross. Their wedding rings and his "Jen" necklace was the last thing on his mind. He was too busy chasing Angelina...even though HE LIED to GQ and said he couldn't think beyond "my Jen" at that time. I'm surprised Brad didn't turn into a little wooden Italian puppet boy when he told that whopper!)

4. A GIFT FROM SHILOH: Same pic of Brad in France that's on the cover with an inset close-up of the pink rope necklace he's been wearing. (Hope that sucker survived the heat and humidity of the Brazilian jungles or else he crushed poor Shiloh's heart.)

He has lately been wearing a crocheted necklace that was made by his daughter Shiloh, says a source close to Brad. (Sidebar of my own: More than likely one of the children made the necklace, but it looks a little advanced for 3 year-old-to-be. I'm sure OuttaTouch gave Shiloh credit because the MVM only want to hear about the bio babies. Personally I think Z made it. First of all it's pink. Secondly, she's marking her territory, "This is MY DADDY. All you bitches lusting after him better step off!")


SIDEBAR: THEY LOOK LIKE THE OLD BRAD & JEN AGAIN

Photo - Once again, be glad you didn't have to lay eyes on the X/Brad pic. It was from VERY early in their relationship - fall of 1998 at the Tibet concert in DC. (He's standing behind her with his arms on either side of her on top of the rail and she's leaning back against him with her hand on his neck. I gagged looking at the pic so I'm making y'all suffer, too...)

Caption: PERFECT PAIR - Brad and Jennifer first came out as a couple at a 1998 Tibetan Freedom Concert in Washington, DC (Sidebar of my own: The rumor at the time was she demanded he make it official that they were "a couple" because before that he'd refused to say it outright. He'd say stuff like "we're dating" and "It's early yet." Bear in mind this is only about 4 months after she slept with him on their first date...and didn’t' exactly tell Tate Donovan that she and he were permanently "off".)

NOW - pic of a clean-shaven Brad from the SoftBank commercial shoot 3 weeks ago when he was wearing the brown suit...

Since leaving Jennifer in 2005, Brad has gone through several scruffy incarnations and taken to wearing beat-up old clothes and hats. But lately, the actor has cleaned up his appearance. Brad almost looks exactly like he did 10 years ago when they were considered Hollywood's most beautiful golden couple. (Sidebar of my own: ROTFL. I suggest someone at OuttaTouch go back and look at pix of Brad during the "golden couple" years with slightly less inebriated eye. Brad had quite a few "scruffy" periods with X - and she hated it. She always wanted him looking "golden" so people would think SHE was just as golden. Then go back and look at pix from the Putrid and Juliette years. Brad and "scruffy" are very good friends. Angelina loves him for who he is, not how golden he looks next to her in pix.)

NOW - pic of X...looking pretty much the same as she looks every time there's pix of her. Homegirl's only got about 2 expressions and even fewer hairstyles.

Toward the end of her time on Friends, Jennifer chopped her hair into a shoulder-length blunt cut - and came to regret it. "So I decided to have extensions, and nothing destroys your hair faster than that," reveals Jen, who struggled to grow it back. But now her hair looks just as lovely as it did when she was married to Brad. (Sidebar of my own: OMFG...this shit is toooooo fucking funny! X must have thrown a fit because OuttaTouch didn't mention her body and how young she looks! ROTFLMAO! Poor X...it's always about her hair, ain't it? According to OuttaTouch...Brad looks almost as good/young as he looked 10 years ago...but X's HAIR is what looks as fab now as it did 10 years ago! Hehehehehehe. She probably had Huvane fire off a denial of this story based on this sidebar alone! I can just imagine how that convo went, "Stephen, they didn't even mention how good I look in a bikini! Or how fantastic I looked almost butt-nekkid on the GQ cover! All they talked about was my beautiful, precious, luscious golden mane! WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!)


SIDEBAR: BRAD'S EXES ARE WORKING TOGETHER

- pic of X carrying a Dumbwater bottle on the turkey giblets movie set. She's wearing that outfit that BDJ traced all the way back to the early aughts...I'm STILL laughing because she STILL wears the same two pieces of clothing together. Whoever said X doesn't like change was being polite. Just another example of how neurotic her ass is...

Caption: SHE'S A PRO - Jennifer stars opposite Jason Bateman in the romantic comedy.

- pic of Juliette Lewis on the street somewhere...knowing her it was Skid Row...

Caption: HE LIVED WITH JULIETTE - Juliette and Brad broke up shortly before Kalifornia was released.

Brad's former fiancée Juliette Lewis, (Sidebar of my own: They were never engaged.) whom he was involved with for three years in the early '90s, arrived in New York at the beginning of May to shoot scenes for The Baster, which stars Jennifer. The 35-year-old actress, who co-starred with Brad in Kalifornia and once referred to him as "a Greek god," must have plenty to discuss with his ex-wife! (Sidebar: Actually, OuttaTouch, if you had read the measly paragraph US Lies Weakly did on this exact same subject 3 weeks ago you'd know that "onset sources" have said the two of them get along fine and don't discuss Brad at all. Mainly because Juliette moved on a decade and a half ago and she's not exactly known as a "listener" or they type of girl another woman confides in about a former lover they have in common, nor would she have the patience to host a pity party for X. BTW - Angie's past is tame in comparison to Juliette Lewis'...but nobody's doing a book on her ass!)


SIDEBAR: THEY'RE ALL FILMING IN NYC - pic of a map of NYC with 3 inset pix explaining where Brad, Angie and X have been filming

- Brad shot a commercial for Softbank, a Japanese cell phone company, in midtown Manhattan on April 30.

- Jennifer's new comedy, The Baster, has been filming in SoHo, the West Village and Tribeca

- Angelina has been working on her upcoming thriller Salt at locations in Brooklyn, Manhattan, Oyster Bay, Long Island and upstate New York

(Sidebar of my own: I know nothing about the layout of NYC...but...I'm thinking...I just can't see Brad making an effort to see X in NYC when for the last 4 years and 4 months he's been in the same LA and Malibu area with her and hasn't made the effort...and let's not even get into that 20 feet they were away from each other at the Oscars. If Brad had any old feelings stirred up when he saw X on stage that night it was, "Jesus H. Christ on the cross! A braid? At fucking 40? I was even more fucking wasted those 6 1/2 years than I thought! Why in the fuck didn't anybody do an intervention!)


SIDEBAR: BRAD IS RECONNECTING WITH JEN'S FRIENDS

- pic of Brad with X and CC from a decade ago...

Caption: THEY WERE VERY CLOSE - Brad, here in 2000, often vacationed with Jen and her friend Courteney. (Sidebar of my own: He didn't have a choice. X wouldn't wipe her ass without checking with Courteney first. And let's not forget that convenient fear of flying she developed 3 months AFTER the wedding and blamed it on the 9/11 tragedy.)

- pic of David & Courteney

Caption: THEY DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE - David and Courteney, at the May 3 concert, eventually forgave Brad for leaving Jen (Sidebar of my own: Yeah, cuz after he was gone X spent all her time with them, almost ruined their marriage and then they couldn't get rid of her ass when they wanted to be alone. That's when they realized exactly how needy, clingy, neurotic and pathetic X really is and why Brad flew the coop.)

Fans of Chris Cornell's performance at LA's Wiltern theater did a double take when they spotted Brad in the audience of the May 3 show. "We were sitting with a regular crowd and he looked like he was having a blast," says a witness. At the show, Brad met up with his ex-wife's best friend, Courteney Cox, and her husband, David Arquette. "Brad's had a period where he hasn't had any friends because Angelina doesn't," says an insider. "But Courteney and David always say "hi" to him if they see him at an event. They have been telling people it's the happiest he's looked in a long time." (Sidebar: Let's see...the Coquettes have seen Brad TWICE in 4+ years...so how would they know how happy Brad normally looks? As for Angie not having any friends? They have talked about doing stuff with their friends in interviews. Just because Angie's friends don't go to trendy places for photo ops or Meh-hee-co to put on a bi-annual Ass & Cooch Extravaganza...doesn't mean she doesn't have any. If anything, because X wanted to stay home and do blow and toke all the time, Brad actually gets out more today than he did when he was married to the X. I think Brad would take dinner with the Eastwoods over another trip to Los Cabos with the Coquettes any day.)


Sad to say...I'm not done yet. Did I mention this story was 6 fucking pages long? Six. S-I-X. 6. That's how badly they want the Fanistons to think this shit is true. Alas...there's one more sidebar. I saved this one for last because...well...you'll see...


SIDEBAR: WATCH OUT, ANGELINA, JEN'S CAUGHT UP TO YOU!

If you count all her movie and television roles, Jennifer's given birth to more than six children! (Sidebar of my own: I told ya you'd see why I saved it. The Queen of Pathetic Schlubs just got even more pathetic, courtesy of OuttaTouch.)

1. HER EARLY MOM ROLE - pic is a still from Object of My Affection

Jen played a pregnant woman in love with her gay pal in 1998's Object of My Affection (Sidebar of my own: Funnily enough, if you read old X interviews...she's been saying since her early in her Tate Donovan days that she wants to start a family soon. I'm talking 1996 interviews...13 long ass years this bitch has been saying, "I did, I do and I will!" and still no human being has squawked its way out of her uterus.)

2. SHE HAD A BABY ON FRIENDS - pic of a preggers Rachel talking to some female character...I have no idea who it is...it's not Kudrow or Cox.

She gave birth to Ross' daughter Emma in the 2002 season of her hit Friends (Sidebar of my own: Ah yes...the pregnancy the writers deliberately wrote into the show because X had been telling interviewers since she and Brad got engaged that they were planning to start a family soon...and then after the season ended and she was never preggers she told interviewers that she had "a window of opportunity" but she and Brad were both busy with "other things". Other things being - her career. Brad? He was off work for 2 years renovating a house and building a nursery for that "any day now" baby that X couldn't fit into her "window of opportunity".)

3. SHE HAD THREE CHILDREN WITH OWEN WILSON - relax, they're talking about TDF. Pic from TDF of X and OW rolling in the grass with their 3 movie kids

In the 2008 hit Marley & Me Jen and Owen Wilson have three children. (Sidebar of my own: Damn...OuttaTouch is really desperate to make x look like she wants a kid. This has got to be the dumbest sidebar since Guttenberg invented the printing press.)

4. SHE'S GOT A LITTLE BOY - pic of X holding a little boy who looks 4 or 5

In her latest film, The Baser, she becomes pregnant through artificial insemination. (Sidebar of my own: Which is more pathetic - X doing a movie about a woman who resorts to a turkey baster pregnancy...or OuttaTouch counting her pretend children in an effort to put her on even ground with Angie? Discuss amongst yourselves...)

And that concludes OuttaTouch's JenHen Wet Dream magnus opus. I was going to count Angie's "movie kids" in rebuttal... but then the sheer stupidity of counting fake kids when she's got 6 real kids had me LMAO, so I never got around to it.