PT's Tabloid Report

Monday, October 3, 2016


As promised here are the rest of the tabloids on Brad & Angie's divorce. Except for the NE and OuttaTouch they are SOOOOOOOOO fucking disappointing that I can't even be bothered to comment beyond more than this -

1. notOK -






2. Lies & Shite  -






3. OuttaTouch says to Lies & Shite



Honestly...read the OuttaTouch first...The L&S is basically a Cliff's Notes version of the long-ass, every-lie-they've-told-the-last-12-years-12-pages-long-epic-whale-bowel-movement.


4. Star - I will give Star credit for 1 thing - having the balls to surround the article with covers from the past 12 years. They seem to think their article proves that each of those covers was true, but all it really does is point out how much bullshit they've made up the last 12 years.

























5. US - If you've read the stories on their website - then you've read this cover story. Literally.




















6. NE - also known as the perpetual boil on the ass of humanity. Let's just say this - Bert Fields and Company need to pay a visit to Donald Drumpf's biggest supporter with a letter that reads as follows -




TABLOID READING DRINKING GAME:

- 10 shots of any tequila but Casamigos every time Brad's NOT BFF Porgie is mentioned

- 20 shots of any 90 proof liquor every time Ticky is mentions. Add an addition 20 shots if the words "reunion," "affair" or "poor" - as in "poor Jen" - are mentioned

- 5 glasses of Miraval Rose every time "ther $60 million French chateau" is mentioned

- 2 Heinekens for every accusation that Angie beat Brad up but only 1 Heineken if Brad beat up Angie or the kids.

- 7 Bloody Marys every time Angie moves to London, wants to go into politics or join the UN

- 2 shot of a beverage of your choice every time the kids are said to be messy, out of controls, brats, terrors, etc.

- 1 glass of water for every named source

- 1 entire bottle of Jack Daniels every time it's mentioned that Brad has a drinking or weed problem

- 3 Martinis every time Angie's said to have a temper, be mean, vindictive, or past mental issues means she's currently batshit cray and drove Brad to drink and toke and is in general at fault for the behavior of a grown ass man 11 1/2 years her senior

- 4 frozen fruity drinks for every time you want to slap the shit out of the writer



And now...for the scans....

Don't say I didn't warn you. Boringest shite evah! After 12 years of every lie imaginable - THIS is what they came up with? Some mags are mainly just photo retrospectives with snippy captions. Lame!  I fell asleep on page 2 of the OuttaTouch and hard start all over. The NE, at least, is pure CFG. Not only do they have Brad beating the shit out of Angie and the kids, but he cheated on Angie with a Croatian twinkie - and Angie and NOT LENA GOULD are lesbian lovers...again...only this time NE got Daltons's name right...and no, the fuckers DID NOT give me credit for finding out her name LAST YEAR when they claimed she was nanny named "Lena Gould." Ungrateful jackasses. And I particluarly enjoyed the "re-enactment," ie, hired look-a-like models, of Brad and Ticky's "reunion" at a hotel after she found out about the divorce. You know...when she was seen boarding a private jet and hightailing it to NYC because her stolen troll boy was finally done shooting his shitty little tv show...

PS - James, the perpetually unemployed 43 year-old who as far as I can tell has never had steady employment in his whole life and certainly not during Brad and Angie's relationship, gets to be the children's "savior" instead of his sister's butt-monkey. Wonder how long it'll take the tabs to turn on him? Serioulsy - WTF does James do for a living that he can drop everything and go watch his sister's kids?


notOK - October 10 -2016







Lies & Shite - October 10-2016























OuttaTouch - October 10, 2016








































































































Star - October 10,2016








































































































































US Lies Weakly - October 10, 2016





































































National Enquirer - October 10, 2016






































Sunday, October 2, 2016

October 2, 2016 

Here's the first of the divorce tabloids. I'll start with Peeps because it's the most innocuous, but anybody who can read this and see hope for a reconciliation - pass me the crack pipe. No, they don't know jackshite, but it sounds dire and ironic considering Brad dumped Ticky because he'd outgrown her and wanted more. Peeps essentially says the same of Angie - that she was bored with their life and wanted to do something else, ie, get more involved in the UN, and Brad just didn't fit into the scenario anymore. What's comical about that is, of course, the news from Dudline the other day that Angie was in talks to star in a new movie. Peeps says they'll always love each other, but sometimes you just got to let shite go. I got depressed just reading this - and I've already resigned myself to the divorce going through. Whether the sources are real or not, one thing is true, this could have been handled a lot quieter with a joint statement . However, Peeps printed this issue before they knew about the DCFS situation because they mention a "breaking point" but don't say what it was. They thought they were beating everybody else to publication when they stopped the presses on the Michael Strahan cover and substituted this one instead - and now all the other tabs have the info on the plane incident - and Peeps doesn't. Oops!.

It'll probably be tomorrow night before I post the other tabs. I decided I cannot abide the thought of scanning 60 pages 1 at a time so I'll wait until the work copier is fixed tomorrow and do the scanning there. Shhhhhhh!

Signed, 
Debbie Downer













































































Monday, April 27, 2015

US LIES WEAKLY - APRIL 18, 2005


Okay...here's the deal...the thing I was going to post? I'm missing a page. Now I have to try to find it or post it without the last page - and I hate not reading the end of something, so I'll wait until I find it.  IF I can find it. 

In lieu of making fun of Ticky some more...Here's an US Lies Weakly article from April 18, 2005, that covers their trip to Palm Springs to for W Domestic Bliss photo shoot. Brad and his missing sensitivity chip had a great time with Angie and Maddox. I don't think I've posted this one before and you know this stuff drives the hens crazier and crazier. This will give the Fat Fvckers something to convene about tomorrow. Maybe they can get some conspiracy theories out about Brad's expanding waistline out of a 10 year-old tabloid article. If anyone can - they can. Plus it's always comical to see how much stuff US Lies Weakly got wrong...










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