Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I’ve been a little busy this week, so the reporter is late. New tabs will be out tomorrow, but I already had this one halfway finished, so what the hell I may as well finish the danged thing. First up is an update from US Lies Weakly on X’s RSD (Regularly Scheduled Dumping )...then we have the Star’s delusion account of the fallout from NannyGate followed by OuttaTouch’s claim that Angie is shutting Brad out…of the bedroom to be specific, and her life in general. Oh yeah…since the Jane Pitt angle didn’t pan out they’ve moved on to James Haven. However…but of these stories should make Assley Troll, TopShit, er…Brit, TresStupid, DJ and their many alters happy because Brad is the bad guy for a change! Yippee!

JENNIFER ANISTON FEELS "PLAYED" - a source says the star was stunned by Mayer's decision

John Mayer just wasn't that into Jennifer Aniston. "John dumped her from out of the blue," (Sidebar: More likely it was "out of the brown stuff") a source close to the actress, 40, tells Hot Stuff (Sidebar: That's the name of the mag section this story was in). (The twosome recently split again after dating on and off for about 13 months.) The break clearly caught Aniston off-guard, since she had just taken Mayer, 31, to the Oscars on Feb. 22. (Sidebar: Please. She knew it was coming. That's what the out clause in his contract stated.) Says the insider: "She would never have paraded him around like that if she didn't think what they had was real. She feels like he played her." (Sidebar: I'm starting to think that X's "friends" don't know about her contractual relationships. Either that or she's paying them to lie for her or buying their coke for them.) Still, another source close to the to the couple maintains the breakup was mutual, saying, "It was two adults coming to a decision again that they wanted different things." (Sidebar: Uh, yeah, cuz they never stopped wanting different things! Hello! Contract!) Either way, the actress is hurting. "Her friends are trying to be sympathetic, but it's a little hard because they warned her," says the Aniston source. (Sidebar: Awww, poor widdle X...her friends are saying, "We don't want to hear it, bitch. We tried to warn ya." I feel all weepy and shit.) Thankfully, she has her work to occupy her. (Sidebar: Oh goody. What would the world be like without another Rachel Green movie. Remember those old Mickey Rooney/Judy Garland “Let’s put on a show!” movies? That’s what X’s movies remind me of – “Rachel Green Puts On A Show”. Just change the titles a little and voila! Rachel’s a movie star! “Along Came Rachel,” “Rumor Has It Rachel Green Does The Graduate,” “Rachel’s Break Up,” and of course, “Rachel Almighty”.) On March 22, Aniston was in New York city to begin filming her new movie The Baster (about a 40 year-old's desperate attempt to get pregnant.) (Sidebar: LOL...even US is subtly making fun of X and the dumb twat's fans are too stupid to realize it.) In the meantime, the second insider insists the breakup was for the best: "Jen tried to have a good time and just date him casually, but she really wants more. It just wasn't the right time." (Sidebar: The Queen of Melodrama tried to date "just date him casually?" Bitch, please. You know that ho had her china and silverware patterns all picked out. She just forgot to write the wedding into the contract! Next time she needs to think of that in advance instead of leaving all those loopholes her victim can use to wriggle out of the contract.)

- Photo of Fugiston with a caption that says, "She's no victim," a source tells US of Aniston. (Sidebar: Right. She only plays one in interviews.) "She's keeping busy so she's not home crying." (Sidebar: Just our bad luck that X's idea of keeping busy is to parade herself in front of the razzi sans makeup. The pix need to come with a warning label: WARNING – FUG MAKEUPLESS SKANK AHEAD! VIEWING WITHOUT PROTECTIVE EYEWARE MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR EYESIGHT)

SEPARATE BEDROOMS - Sex life? Forget it! After a huge blowup over the nanny, Brad & Angelina are now sleeping solo. What's next?

By Casey Brannan, Hedi Parker, Jennifer Pearson, Tim Plant & Kate Major (Sidebar: 5 fucking people to come up with this bullshit? I guess you get what you pay for. This rag is a sterling example of how the dollar isn’t worth shit anymore.)

Angelina Jolie has slammed the door on Brad Pitt - and their love life. Still furious over catching him comforting one of the family nannies, Angie banned Brad from their bedroom! (Sidebar: Am I the only one having a wee bit of a problem seeing Angie jealous over a nanny? Has Star ever seen their nannies? Cuz…I’m thinking…NOT!)

As Star exclusively reported, after Angelina fired the young nanny, (Sidebar: Notice how they don’t qualify “young.” There’s no way Brad and Angie are going to hire some young, i.e., INEXPERIENCED, twit with zero or very little take care of their kids. They are NOT Rob and Sheryl Lowe!) Brad roared off on his motorcycle to clear his head and give Angie time to cool down. (Sidebar: This story was about a month ago. I didn't even bother to do a report on it because it took me 2 seconds to debunk. These dipshits said NannyGate happened "a few days after the Oscars" and that Brad hopped on his motorcycle and fled their Los Feliz house after Angie slapped him and yelled at him for being nice to the physically ill nanny. The only problem was...well, it was bullshit. Brad and Angie weren't in Cali "a few days after the Oscars.” They were in NYC 2 days after the Oscars taking the kids to see The Little it would have been a little hard for them to be in Los Feliz at the same damned time. Ergo, Star’s story is a pantload of The Urinator’s favorite silly putty.) But when he returned, say insiders, she was so frosty that now they're both sleeping solo.

"Angie is still very angry over the nanny thing," an insider tells Star. "Right now, the separate bedrooms arrangement seems to be the best thing for them. Brad doesn't want to face her cold fury every night. She's put up a wall between them and shut down emotionally." (Sidebar: ROTFL. Who the fuck talks like this? Nobody I know, that’s for damned sure. “Cold fury” and “shut down emotionally?” Methinks someone’s been reading X’s self-help books for their storyline inspirations.)

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" (Oh geez…here we go with that segment shit again…)

Their nights apart have put Brad and Angie's love life on hold. "All the stress has affected their intimacy," says the insider. "Brad needs a lot of attention from Angie, (Sidebar: Video tapes, dammit, where are the video tapes?) and when he doesn't get it, he pouts like a schoolboy." (Sidebar: Hmmm…somehow I doubt a little thing like a fight would cause these two the kibosh on the nookie. Fact - You DO NOT need to talk to have sex. Myth – Women want to talk afterwards. No we don’t. We just don’t want to sleep in the wet spot or be expected to praise his performance. Other than that…we’re usually okay with rolling over and going back to plotting the ways we’re going to make him sorry for screwing up. Once again…could just be me…)

But Angie's cold war shows no sign of ending anytime soon. (Sidebar: Or for as long as our sales are up…) While the couple once caused a stir with their loud lovemaking at an African resort, now, "Angie won't let Brad near her at home," another insider tells Star. (Sidebar: That’s why there are restaurant bathrooms. Just ask Porgie and the Damons. Or VIP lounges at airports. Just ask the folks at the Air France terminal in Amsterdam.) "When he tried to put a hand on her or kiss her, she looked at him with daggers and snapped, "Don't touch me!" She knows it's torture for Brad, denying him that way. But she wants him to learn a lesson." (Sidebar: I really wish these twits would stop confusing Angie with X. Like Angie's gonna go without jumping Brad's bones just because he patted the nanny on the back? Puh-leeze. On the other hand…you know X is the “Just hold me until I stop crying.” Type. Bitch probably pulled that cry-and-withhold sex once a week to get her way.)

Angie, 33, even nixed one of the pair's sexy traditions - their daily bath together. "One day after filming, she heard Brad running the tub," the insider adds, "and told him to drain it because she wasn't getting in." (Sidebar: Instead they took a shower together and Angie pretended to drop the soap… Dear God…I’ve GOT to stop reading Dlisted…)


The Jolie-Pitt clan rented an entire floor in Manhattan's Waldorf-Astoria hotel to call home while she films her spy thriller Salt. But Angelina insisted that Brad, 45, move into his own room, the insider says. (Sidebar: ROTFLMAO. No matter how mad at Brad she might be…I just can’t see Angie separating the kids from their daddy just because SHE was mad at him. Once again Star is confusing Angie with X. After all, IIRC the slag did twice pull the “Oh no, I’m so distraught! My dog has run away! You’ve got to stop whatever you’re doing in your own life and fly 2,000 miles to come help ME find my dog!” routine on Brad.)

Angie told Brad she was sick of the sight of him and ordered him out of the bedroom. She loves him, of course, but she was really worked up about the whole nanny incident. (Sidebar: Just a little reminder – Star is claiming this crap happened LAST WEEK…even though NannyGate was THREE WEEKS AGO. I guess next they’ll be claiming Angie has PTSD due to the shock of seeing Brad pat the nanny on the back.) And she still can't get it out of her head. She's so emotional, and she told him it may take her more time to forget what she saw." (Sidebar: "May take more time" is StarSpeak for "It depends on how well this issue sells.")

During one three-day stretch, Brad and Angie barely crossed paths, a source tells Star. "He slept in his room for three days, and all he got were a few text messages from her while she was on set, asking, 'How are the kids?'" the source reveals. "once, when he heard her get home, he went to her bedroom door and found it locked. he knocked and she told him, 'I'm tired. I'm going to bed now.' She shut him out." (Sidebar: ROTFLMAO. Let’s see…a mother of six came home after not seeing her children all day…and went directly to bed, did not pass go, did not collect hugs and kisses from the kiddies or pat the doggies on the head? PFFFFFFT!!! Only in Tabloid Land would this be possible. The first thing my mother always did when she came home from work was…yell at us for not doing all the stuff she told us to do while she was at work! True story. I don’t care what a woman does for a living…when she’s got little kids…she will ALWAYS go check on her kids the second she comes in the door. Went straight to her room my ass!)

Brad is so unhappy about sleeping solo that he's even taken to "camping out' with the kids in sleeping bags inside little tents in their rooms. (Sidebar: Sowwy, twolls…but the Star doesn’t think Natalie Portman is hiding in the sleeping bag waiting for Brad.)

And he's taking Angie's coldness very seriously, the source continues. "When Angelina gets mad and moody, she retreats into herself. Brad is concerned, and he even suggested that they should try couples therapy. He said it might help her deal with everything going on in their lives. She didn't respond to that too well. She went straight to her own bedroom and shut the door." (Sidebar: Sheesh…didn’t they just use this plot device? Show some originality, Star! Why not claim Angie went down to the bar and badmouthed Brad’s spending habits and claim one of your reporters overhear…What? Oh yeah…sorry…my bad…you’re right…the OuttaTouch used that idea in 2007 when Brad was shooting BAR. Hey…it’s been almost 2 years…I’m willing to bet hardly anyone remembers! Go ahead and use it! What’s a stolen idea or two amongst professional liars? Nothin’, I tell ya. Nothin’!)

But being frozen out is just making Brad work harder to make things right, another source reveals.

"Brad has tried to melt Angie with loving little gestures, but it doesn't seem to be working. He sent four dozen long-stem yellow roses to her on set, but she took one look at the huge bouquet and handed it to the makeup artists." (Sidebar: Criminy…with unoriginal and unimaginative ideas like roses it’s no wonder fictitious Angie wasn’t impressed. Star has a guy worth a couple hundred mil…and they have him buying his woman freaking flowers? Why not say he surprised her with a new orphan when she got home from work? “Hi Honey, look what the Ethiopian ambassador dropped off!” I mean, come on! No wonder sales are down. There’s no effort going into these stories at all! It’s like an Erector Set where someone’s stolen all the curved pieces and all that’s left are the square blocks.)

Angelina is also driving Brad crazy by ignoring his phone calls while she's at work.

"He calls the set constantly but almost always gets her voicemail or a PA telling him she isn't available," a set insider tells Star. (Sidebar: Uh, duh? SHE'S WORKING! Call me silly but if I'm paying someone $15MIL + 6% of a potential $350MIL+ box office I'd be more than a little pissed if they spent half the production fighting with their spouse on the phone. Save that shite for when you're on your own dime. Don't hold up production because your hubby's got a burr up his butt and needs you to hold his hand!) "Brad even suggested bringing the kids by to see her. But Angie ignored him and instead asked the kids if they wanted to visit her while Daddy does his errands." (Sidebar: Uh…hang on a sec…were the kids on another line or what? One second Star’s talking about phone calls Angie won’t take…the next they’re claim she’s ignoring him and speaking directly to the kids. I guess sales are down so much the Star can no longer afford an editor to ensure continuity in their lies.)

But insiders close to the couple believe Angie will eventually come around. (Sidebar: Like I said...depends on sales this week...)

"They love each other so much and they really can't live without each other," a source tells Star. "But for now, Angie is making Brad's life hell." (Sidebar: But it’s still better than the shitastic way the X is made his hell...)

"She wants things to work out, but she is trying to punish him. She can be very spiteful - especially if she feels like she's been betrayed." (Sidebar: If Angie wanted to punish Brad all she’d have to do is print out a few of those recent pix of X without makeup and lay them on his pillow like the horse’s head in The Godfather. Looking at The Bride of Frankenstein would scare anybody into straightening up.)

PHOTO - Brad and Angie at the SAG awards - caption reads, "Angie told Brad she was sick of the sight of him and kicked him out of the bedroom." (Sidebar: I think they mean this figuratively, but you can never be too sure with Star.)

SIDEBAR - DADDY DUTY - pictures of Brad with Maddox/Pax at Mars 2112 and Z and Shiloh shopping in DC.

Brad's been caring for their six kids - recite the list at your leisure - while Angie's at work. And at night, he often gets so lonely, says an insider, that he sneaks into the children's rooms so he doesn't have to sleep alone. (Sidebar of my own: PFFFT! Please...after living with X for 6 1/2 years Brad's an old pro at being in the dog house. That neurotic bitch was always mad at him for something.) "He misses Angie in bed with him, so he bought a few sleeping bags and he bunks with the kids," the insider adds. "HE tells them it's because Mommy's working late again, but it's really because she banned him from their bedroom." (Sidebar of my own: Someone correct me if I'm misremembering...but...didn't Angie tell an interviewer during one of the Changeling press calls that she though the studios were probably sick of the two of them because they have things written into their contracts stating they'll only work a certain number of hours per day and she said she needed to be home by dinner time to eat with the kids? If so...then how can Mommy be working late again? Just asking...)

SIDEBAR - KEEP OUT! ANGIE BANS BRAD FROM MOVIE SET (picture of Angie in handcuffs on the SALT set - I'm sure the Star thought this was clever - "keep out!" and a bound Angie...forget Einstein and Hawking...the folks at Star are the real geniuses...)

Not only is Brad banned from Angie's bedroom, she's ordered him to steer clear of her new spy thriller, Salt! "Angelina has told Brad not to visit her because of the tension between them," a source tells Star. "She just doesn't want to have to face him while she's trying to work and get into character." (Sidebar of my own: God these jackasses are tiresome. Just pretend like you don't know that Brad was seen picking Angie AND the twins up in DC on multiple occasions. Just play along with Star and humor them. Eventually they'll move on to a different tack...)

SIDEBAR - ANGE LEAVES BRAD BEHIND: Her three-day getaway with brother James. (Sidebar of my own: Settle down, trolls. Angie's NOT having an incestuous affair with her brother. Not everyone is like your families. you're about to see...this is TABLOID WORLD “IT COULD HAPPEN…HONESTLY!” TRIP...not a real one...)

Angie's been crying on her brother James Haven's shoulder - and James, 35, IS PLANNING a getaway for his younger sister as soon as she wraps filming Salt so she can unwind and try to control her emotions, and insider tells Star.

"Angie's PLANNING to leave for a few days and hang out with her brother," the insider says. (Sidebar of my own: I'm sure this is news to them.) "They aren't sure where they're going - She may just visit him at his home in L.A. - but she said she needs to escape the problems she's been going through with Brad. She hopes to come back refreshed and ready to work things out." (Sidebar: Uh...does this mean she's leaving all 6 kids with Brad? And since when would Angie go to LA to rest? “I have a mansion in the quiet and rustic south of France…but I think I’ll go to the smoggy, over-populated town I hated growing up in for a RELAXING vacation to recover from the shock of seeing my husband patting the nanny on the back.” WTF kind of logic is that?)

The insider notes that James has been Angie's rock since they were children, (Sidebar of my own: This "insider" is OuttaTouch magazine. Methinks sneaky old Candace Trunzo got wind of the OuttaTouch cover story for this week and played up the James angle.) and while he has a good relationship with Brad, his sister will always come first. (Sidebar of my own: Altogether now, “DUH!”) "James thinks it will be good for Angie to put some space between herself and Brad," says the insider. "He loves Brad and wants things to work - but he knows Angie needs a break." (Sidebar of my own: I'd bet DJ's last dollar that WE need a break more than Angie does - a break from Star's crack- addict- who's-los- his-favorite-pipe school of yellow journalism.)

Angelina's brother flies in to STOP THE FIGHTING
After weeks of bickering with Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie turns to James Have for support

Between takes on the New York set of her film Salt on March 19, Angelina Jolie was a far cry from the relaxed, confident woman who stole Brad Pitt's heart four years ago. As her co-star Liev Schreiber cradled his young son in his arms, the usually friendly actress kept to herself, appearing worn-out and sad - as if she had a lot on her mind. "Angelina looks constantly tired and exhausted," says an on-set source. (Sidebar: Love how they proffer up the quote as their "proof" that what they're claiming is true.) "She complains about being cold and waiting around between takes." (Sidebar: Oh yeah, right, I remember that. Don't you guys remember all those pix of Angie standing around barefoot in 30 degree weather looking like she was yelling at everyone to get her some shoes and a coat? And I definitely remember pix of her throwing a conniption fit because she was having to wait around between shots...

Yet these days, work is something of a safe haven (Sidebar: Arf, arf!) for Angelina. Tense from days of caring for their six children, Brad is at his wit's end - and it's driven such a huge wedge between the once happy couple that Angelina has called in her brother, James Haven for support. (Sidebar: All around the country mothers are reading this story and laughing themselves silly, "Oh, poor Brad! He's been left alone with only 2 nannies to take help him take care of 3 kids! And gosh, it’s been a whole 3 weeks already! Let’s all have a moment of silence and mourn for the poor dear.” Also, just thought I’d point out that Angie in her NY Times interview that deciding to go back to work was “…really hard. Who’s in school at that time? How can I be sure I don’t do too many long hours? Can the three youngest be on the set every day?” ) "She and Brad are always fighting," explains a friend. "She needed someone close to her to help." (Sidebar: Uh...I thought this was why the tabs claimed the J-Ps have 27 nannies - to take care of the bad, 26 nannies...cuz the Star did say Angie fired one because Brad sat beside her on the side of a bed, patted her on the back and told her he hoped she felt better soon.)

And no one is closer to Angelina than James. Though they'd been at odds over James' decision to resume a relationship with their father, Jon Voight, (Sidebar: Methinks OuttaTouch has conveniently forgotten that Angie and her father are on speaking terms again and that he publicly acknowledged that he's seen her before the J-Ps went to France last year and she was happier than he'd ever seen her...but...the truth doesn't fit into their story, so let’s just chuck it in the gutter and carry on...)** he didn't even think twice when Angelina reached out to him on March 5. (Sidebar: Why would he hesitate? According to the trolls James doesn't have a job or a life, so what else does he have to do except go hold his baby sister's hand...except in a non-incestuous kind of way...cuz we know how orgasmic the thought of incest makes the trolls get.) The following day, he flew out to Washington, D.C., where the family was staying at the time, and then traveled with them to New York, booking his own room at their hotel, The Waldorf-Astoria. (Sidebar: Jamie must be using this good looks (Pffft!) to pay for that room...cuz the trolls say doesn't work and is a free-loader.)

"Angelina wanted James to talk to Brad, says another pal. "He seems furious with her that she's taken this project on and he's home with the kids, even though she did her part while he was filming Inglourious Basterds in Berlin. She can't get through to Brad and was hoping James could talk some sense into him." (Sidebar: ROTFL At this point in time I think it’s only the tabs and trolls who refused to acknowledge the 4 gazillion times that Brad and Angie have stated that they TAKE TURNS WORKING and DO NOT work on movie projects at the same time. They never said they just sat at home watching their kids “think thoughts” when not making a movie…just that they TAKE TURNS making movies.) But so far, James' efforts have been unsuccessful. The friend says Brad and Angelina have been barely speaking except to fight - and they're even sleeping in different rooms. "By the time Angelina gets home from the set, the kids are all asleep," the pal adds. "She has a glass of wine, and then she goes to bed in a separate room from Brad." (Sidebar: Ruh roh…OuttaTouch used the “W” word…now the trolls will be saying that Angie’s a wino…in addiction to Brad being an alkie… And again with the separate bedrooms crap. These tabs carry on like adults can’t be mad at each other and still sleep in the same bed. These tabs are stuck in ‘50s melodramas mode.)

Neither Brad nor Angelina have been getting much sleep the source says. "Their day starts at 4:30 or 5:00 a.m. if they're lucky," the pal shares "but the second all the kids are up and clamoring for attention, Angie is out the door and at work, leaving Brad and their nannies to take care of everything." (Sidebar: On behalf of mothers everywhere I say a big fat, “So what? Welcome to Fatherhood. At least you have nannies to help. So suck it up and deal.”) Trying to see to the needs of Maddox, 7, Pax, 5, Zahara 4, Shiloh, 2 and 8-month old twins Knox and Vivienne has been driving Brad crazy - and he's been lashing out at Angelina, frequently calling her on the set to complain. "Brad is unbearable when he's tired," says the pal. "It's developed into a full-scale war of words. (Sidebar: I think a more likely scenario is that Brad is calling her on the set to set up a little nookie time while the older kids are in school. Worked on “Changeling.” If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.)


On one recent shooting day, Angelina was overheard (conveniently for OuttaTouch) having a heated cell phone argument with Brad, during which she said, "Will you please respect the fact that I am working right now?" and "All you have to do today is watch the kids. Will you please do it?" (Sidebar: First of all, if a man said to a woman, 'All you have to do is watch the kids today." NOW would be picketing his workplace and filing discrimination lawsuits. Secondly, nobody says shite like "Will you please respect the fact that I am working now" except people who read self-help books. and I think you know who I mean. Angie would be much more direct. She would say, "Hey said you wanted a lot of you've got 'em. Now shut the fuck up and go put The Little Mermaid in the DVD player. I'M WORKIN' HERE!") Another Salt insider adds, "The whole cast can tell something's not right between them." (Sidebar: "Whole cast" meaning OuttaTouch's fictitious cast as opposed to the real cast.)

That is an understatement. Brad, 45, and Angelina, 33 are so unhappy - and so at odds over child-rearing issues that they've even put their adoption of a little girl on hold. (Sidebar: It’s probably news to them that they were adopting a little girl, but…whatever…) They need a mediator now more than ever, but sadly, James, 35, hasn't been feeling up to the task. During one blowout, the pal says, "Poor James was trying to say, 'Come on, that's not fair,' and they ended p talking right over him. (Sidebar: Notice how OT doesn't say who James was directing his comment to. No specifics means less of a chance of facing legal action for lying.) Now, James fears that his sister may sabotage the best thing she's ever had and walk out on Brad," the pal says. (Sidebar: In other words - Don't worry...OuttaTouch won't actually go so far as to claim they've broken up...unless sales take another downturn, then they'll go all IUC on us and claim Brad dumped Angie and went back to the three T's - the Tranny, tanning and toking.)

Dr. Gilda Carle, founder of (Sidebar: Love the website plug. It’s smart of Dr. Gilda to get that in her contract.), who does not treat the stars, says that with or without James, Brad and Angelina must get their act together for the children's sake. "If they're spending most of their time fighting, they're not bonding with the kids," she explains. "In order to survive this rough patch, they must communicate." (Sidebar: Ooh. Dr. Gilda's a fucking genius. Let's all go over to her site and see her plan to fix the economy. Surely someone of such stellar intellect has all the answers and you wouldn't want to miss her lecture on Keynesian economics and the new paradigm for Wall Street, would ya?)

SIDEBAR - THEY'RE LEADING SEPARATE LIVES (Sidebar of my own: Is this a clue that Assley is their troll or merely an unhappy coincidence in which like-minded idiocy sells better than the truth? You be the judge...)

- He's always with the kids (picture of Brad/Mad/Pax going to Mars 2112 with Mad and Pax looking cute…and Brad looking totally lickable...gratuitous info, I know, but just thought I'd point that out...)

Taking his sons Pax and Maddox to New York restaurant Mars 2112 on March 13, Brad had his hands full and looked tired. "He really wants to be the best father possible," says the insider. But it's not easy. (Sidebar of my own: Fuck. If it was easy then I'D have kids! Dumb hos.) "Brad gets tortured by the kids all day. They wrestle him and kick him and constantly harass him. (Sidebar of my own: Uh, 'scuse my ass, but that's what kids do! They bug their parents. And let me re-iterate - THAT'S WHY I DON'T HAVE ANY! THE LITTLE FUCKERS ARE A PAIN IN THE ASS. Instead, I go play with my nieces and nephews, get them riled up...then leave and let their parents deal with the fall-out. Hey...siblings...they'd do the same thing to me if they had the chance. BTW, I guess OuttaTouch forgot that Brad declared fatherhood "Sublime." and "You can paint a picture, write a book...blah, blah, blah...but nothing is better than fatherhood." Okay...I paraphrased. Sue me.)

- She's consumed by work (Sidebar of my own: Angie's been working on this movie roughly 26 days, fewer if you excludes the weekend days she had off...yet she's "consumed". How come Brad wasn't "consumed" when he was in Berlin, ALONE, filming IB and Angie, who'd just given birth just 4 months earlier, was home with all 6 kids, not 3 or 4 the way Brad is now? Once again the old Angie Double Standards rear their ugly head.)

Even though Angelina said she'd work less once the twins were born, she's got a slew of projects lined up and is currently filing Salt in New York. (Sidebar: Angie very clearly during awards seasons red carpets that all she had on her slate for this year was Salt and then she was taking a year off. And no, OT DOES NOT list this "slew of projects" they claim Angie has lined up. Even the IMDB finally removed The Mercenary and Atlas Shrugged from Angie's credits.) "She's always practicing lines and stunts," says a pal. "She's in full character mode." (Sidebar of my own: can you practice stunts like running through traffic and hanging out off the side of a building in your hotel room? Just asking...) Long hours on the set mean that Angelina returns to their hotel after the kids have already gone to bed. "She says while she's filming, she can't have the children disturbing her," says an insider. (Sidebar of my own: Which is why Brad WASN'T seen picking up Angie and the twins from the set in DC. Whuh? You mean he WAS seen picking up Angie and the twins? Are you sure that wasn't Angie and two dolls? Cuz the OuttaTouch folks said the kids weren't on the set...and surely they wouldn't LIE to us...would they?)

- No room for Brad: Brad's been sleeping on the couch (Sidebar of my own: I think someone at Bauer (i.e., Assley) has discovered IUC and stolen his post-Oscars story.)

The family has been residing in the Presidential suite at New York's Waldorf-Astoria where Angelina has the master bedroom for herself and the six children share the other three bedrooms - leaving Brad to sleep in the living room. (Sidebar: Pffffft. Please. Any parent worth their salt would put the 2 girls in the same bed and use the other bed them self. And no, you can't put two boys in the same bed because then all the trolls starting having kiddie-porn orgasms instead of incestuous thoughts orgasms in lieu of the fact that there aren’t' any blood ties between Mad and Pax. Otherwise the sick fuckers would have a whacking off convention for incestuous kiddie porn. that I've bunked Z and Shiloh together the scumbags are probably envisioning lezbo kiddie porn's lose-lose with those assholes.)


When they were kids, James was fiercely protective of his little sister - and he's remained that way over the years. Whether he was publicly criticizing their father for not praising Angelina's work as a U.N. ambassador, supporting her during tense periods with Brad (Sidebar: Yes, that's right, OuttaTouch has forgotten about Divorces #1 and #2...they're not convenient enough for this story.) or rushing to France to help out after the twins' birth, James has always proven one of Angelina's most loyal allies. These days, that job is tougher than ever. But a friend says, James has helped ease the pressure." (Sidebar: That's easy to do when there is NO PRESSURE to "ease." Seriously...when do the these twits think Angie turned into X and needs 40 people there to hold her hand IF her relationship gets a hiccup? James does a lot of work with the JPF. Couldn't he just be there to see his nieces and nephews or to work on Foundation business? These twits need to stop watching All My Children.)


Back in 2007, Angelina and Brad fought over her choice to shoot Wanted right after adopting Pax. James provided a shoulder to cry on. (Sidebar of my own: ROTFLMAO...should I pull out Angie's quote commenting that they thought doing an action movie would give her motivation to get outside of herself and get fit and healthy after grieving for her mother?)


When Angelina, here in March, told James about her problems with Brad, he rushed to her side, no questions asked. (Sidebar of my own: How do they know he didn't ask questions? bad again...they know that the same way they know why he was in DC...they pulled out of their asses...along with Assley's brain and a LoJack...they gotta keep that handy because car theft is a big problem in Jersey.

SIDEBAR - SHE'S MORE AFFECTIONATE WITH HER BROTHER THAN BRAD (Sidebar of my own: First of all, a big thank you to the folks at who scanned the page from the magazine. You can see the original page here –

Since OuttaTouch deliberately chose misleading photographs to represent each of their points I'm going to rebut OuttaTouch's picture selections from the same events. A big shout-out to the folks at and…from whom I ‘borrowed” the photos…I’ll give ‘em back..honest injun (sorry, honest Native American).)


Angelina has "no inhibitions" with James, Wood says. With Brad though, she's stiffer. (Sidebar of my own: No, I think it was Brad who was suffering some major stiffness that night...and no, it wasn't OuttaTouch's LoJack in his pocket.

First of all...this picture of James is from 2000...9 years ago. 3 of the pix of Angie with James are older than half of her kids! The Brad picture is from Brad's TAOJJ premiere at TIFF, the night Lamey said they caused a riot in Toronto and she though they were gonna do it on the RC. A picture we all found cute and funny…yet OuttaTouch came up with THIS picture as their proof that Angie doesn’t feel safe with Brad? In-fucking-sane. Thin gene pools like the OuttaTouch staff is the main reason why inbreeding is illegal. The other reasons are because it’s sick, perverted and disgusting…3 more words synonymous with “troll”. Coinkydink? I think not.)


Leaning her head on James' shoulder proves "he has her heart," Wood says. (Sidebar of my own: I thought it meant she was tired and too lazy to hold her head up, but hey, what do I know, I'm not a professional body language "expert".) "She holds back with Brad." (Sidebar of my own: You’re damned skippy she holds back…because a photo of her getting clingy with Brad is worth a few hundred grand. I think at this point we all know that Brad and Angie have decided that the ratzi aren’t going to amass fat retirement funds off pictures of them.

Also, notice that this is another really old picture of Angie and James...circa 1999-2000. The photo with Brad is from this year's Critic's Choice Award...and son of a gun if I didn't find yet another photo where Angie's being affectionate with Brad...)


The way Angelina hangs onto James with both hands shows she "beyond adores him." Wood shares.

(Sidebar of my own: Yet another old ass photo - from late 2005 when Angie was given an award by the UN. I must need new glasses because this photo does not say "beyond adore" to me. James looks a bit mischievous and Angie looks like she's whispering out of the side of her mouth, "Did you just fart, Jamie? Ewwwwwwwwww! You did! You butthead!"

The picture of Brad and Angie is from the 2008 SAG Awards. And doggonit if I wasn't able to find a picture of the two of them being more affectionate than OuttaTouch claims they were.)

(Sidebar of my own: I’ve already proven my point…but just to drive it home…Angie holding on to Brad with BOTH HANDS…)

- BRAD MAKES HER TENSE (Sidebar of my own: They say that like it's a bad thing...)

"There isn't the same joy in the photos with Brad that there are in the ones with James," notes the expert.

(Sidebar of my own: Now OuttaTouch has really stepped into the Way Back Machine for a photo - what is this, late 90's again? When all of your so-called evidence is more than 4 years ain't evidence of anything except that you have no evidence. Comparing Angie's photos as a 33 year-old to those of 23-24 year-old self is beyond asinine. But...since they's my reply to this bullshit photo, too...)


The pressure on Brad and Angelina intensified when his ex-wife, Jennifer Aniston, arrived at The Ritz-Carlton hotel in New York on March 21 to begin working on her new film, The Baster. (Sidebar: What pressure on Brad & Angie? They’ve had a restraining order against X for the last 4 years. Ho had to file for an exception so she could attend the Oscars.) The actress is expected to remain in the city for the next four months. "I am sure that they will try to stay away from each other," says a source. "However, New York is really a small town." (Sidebar: NYC is a “small town”? Hmmm…if that “small town” is anything like the small town I live in…Brad & Angie could live within 1 block, let alone 12, of X and never see her. BTW, 12 blocks is supposedly the distance between the Ritz-Carlton and the Waldorf-Astoria where Brad and Angie HAD BEEN STAYING. They decamped a good 10 days ago.

True story – many years ago I had this unbearable boss…I’m talking “C” word here. She went on vacay for a month…and a bunch of us quit while she was gone. She came back from vacay to find 3 of her 4 librarians and her computer support person had flown the coop. That was 14 years ago. I have NOT run into this woman AT ALL in 14 years. Yes, she’s still living in town. In fact I know the guy who replaced me and he and I have had a few discussions about how batshit crazazy the woman is. The town I live in is around 90,000 – 125,000 during the school year. Now...if I can live in a town of 90,000-125,000 people and never see this ex-boss of mine…what are the chances that Brad and Angie are going to run into X in a city of 10+MIL? Just asking…)


**I wrote this before BDJ posted a link on Jared’s quoting an OuttaTouch interview they did with JV on the carpet of some movie premiere. So they knew damned well when they printed last week that Angie was made at Jamie for reuniting with JV that it was total bullshit. Not that any of us needed further proof that the tabs make this crap up to fit their sales goals. And yet the troll has been quoting the Daily Mail the last 2 days…unbelievable…

# 543 bdj @ 04/01/2009 at 7:13 pm

He’s a veteran actor, but can Jon Voight really play babysitter to daughter Angelina Jolie’s six children? “I haven’t done it yet, but I keep asking,” the 24 star told In Touch of watching the celeb kids at the American Identity premiere in Beverly Hills on March 25. And even though he’s 68 years her senior, Jon is delighted when he hears that he looks like granddaughter Shiloh. “Of course! It makes my heart very warm to hear that,” he gushed when asked if he’s heard that he looks like the 2-year-old blond tot. Due to his reconciliation with Angelina, it appears that the proud papa could be on a playdate very soon.


Nedda said...

I swear you made my day. I'm laughing like hell and can't stop. You have a great sense of humour.

Cinnabana said...

PT YOU ARE AWESOME. You out did yourself this time. Unbelievable you are simply the best. Man, I was laughing so hard at work my boss came out to see what was going on. The best part was the Outta Touch part you nailed that. Thank you Thank you Thank you...

Aeon from JJ aka Cinnabana