Wednesday, April 15, 2009


FOR MAGAZINES DATED APRIL 20, 2009

Sorry for the delay, folks...
The report is kind of long this week because I decided to use some quotes from Brad & Angie to refute the fuckery that is OuttaTouch. I didn't have all the articles I wanted to reference so I had to Google a few things and do a little surfing. I still didn't find all the articles I was looking for, but I'm tired of fooling with this report and OuttaTouch doesn't really deserve the effort I put into pointing out their departures from reality.

ANISTON'S DAD - "I WANT SOMEONE TO MAKE HER HAPPY"

John Aniston tells US his hope for Jen and his dream of being a grandpa

by Eric Anderson

All parents of a certain age fantasize about having grandkids, and Jennifer Aniston's dad, John, is no exception. "Being a granddad is the perfect situation," the Days of Our Lives actor, 75, told US (Sidebar: "Told US" is a euphemism for, "Our eavesdropping reporter overheard him say...") April 4 at an New York City Barnes & Noble’s, where he read from Loukoumi's Good Deeds, a kids book and audio cd he co-narrated with his daughter. (Sidebar: I sure hope John enjoyed reading the book that day...it's as close as he'll ever come to reading to any spawn of X's.) "You get the grandkids, play with them, have a good time. Then, at the end of the day, you say, 'Bye!'" (Sidebar: See...I told you her father wasn't all that bad! Unfortunately I got a feeling that's all the input he had in raising X - saw her, played with her for a few hours and returned her to her mother. Surely if he'd had any input at all X wouldn't be so fucking annoying.) And, when asked who he'd like to see his daughter date, John told US, "What kind of guy? Someone who makes her happy." (Sidebar: Actually, PT can reveal to you exclusively that what John really said was, "Well...since Brad finally got sick of her neurotic ass and couldn't stand her craziness anymore...I've pretty much given up hope that there's any man alive who'll put up with her nonsense. I mean, come on...she was lucky to have gotten Brad drunk enough to marry her in the first place. You'd think she'd have done more to keep him that way and not let him sober up enough to realize he'd accidentally leg-shackled himself to the most overly ambitious talentless skank in all of Hollywood. Yeah, I know she's my daughter and all, but that doesn't mean I have to pretend she's perfect.")

Alas, there doesn't seem to be "someone" in sight. After she declared in 2005, "In five years, I would hope to be married and have a kid," Jen, who, hit the milestone of age 40 in February and recently split from John Mayer, finds herself single again. (Sidebar: Nice to see a tab calling X on one of her big Pity Party claims. That ho had no more intention of having a baby in 2005 than she does today.) Adding insult to injury? Outside her LA cocoon, Jen is living in NYC's Greenwich Hotel (Sidebar: Whuh? Bu-bu-but OuttaTouch said (April 6 issue) she's staying at the Ritz-Carlton, which is "just 12 short blocks from where Brad & Angie were staying at the Waldorf-Astoria." Don't tell me they LIED to us? No way. X moved once she found out Brad and Angie were in Long Island. Yeah...that's it!) while filming The Baster (a comedy, ironically, about a 40-year-old single woman who uses a turkey baster to get pregnant) at the same time that her ex Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have settled in the area for Jolie's Salt shoot. (Sidebar: It's pretty darned sad when even US is making fun of X's doing the turkey baster movie. I betcha Huvane was none to please to see this article. They pimped John Aniston at B&N and that shit backfired in their faces. Gotta love it!) On the heels of Jen's third post-Pitt split (she also dated model Paul Sculfor, 38, and Vince Vaughn, 39, who's now engaged), (Sidebar: BBBBWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THIRD post-Brad split? Janice Min is being polite. I guess since Camera Boy, Grip Boy and Producer Boy weren't official "dates" they don't get their props? I'm insulted on their behalf. BUT...I'm gonna give Min brownie points for throwing in the gratuitous info that VV is now engaged to someone else. More proof that it's not the men - it's X.) a Jen pal sighs, "We all want her with the right guy." (Sidebar: Anybody wanna take bets on which of the Godless Circle is the informant? I'm going with Kristin Hahn. Flapping her gums is what got her fired from Plan B and she and X ain't exactly raking in the dough off their first-look production deal. Which, by the way...what does that tell you about The Baster? Their first look deal with is Universal...the movie was picked up for distribution by Miramax. When you can't blackmail one of your BFF's daddies into releasing your movie? You've got a major suckage issue.)

FLYING SOLO

John Aniston (who divorced Jen's mom Nancy in 1980) tells US he never shared his daughter's romantic troubles: "I never had a hard time dating in Hollywood. I had an unusual situation. I shared a house with a photographer, so there was a stream of beautiful women coming in and out every day!" (Sidebar: Hate to break it to John, but...he's much, much, MUCH better looking than X is. It's amazing how much difference a definite end to chinnage can change a person's appeal to the opposite sex.) His theory on why dating there can be difficult? "If you are working, I think it's hard because the only people you meet are the people you work with." (Sidebar: That wasn't a problem for X - she worked with Charlie Schlatter on that Ferris Bueller knock off...and dated him. She worked with Tate Donovan on Friends...and dated him. She blew and screwed several of the Friends writers for the funniest lines or extra lines. She glommed onto Vince Vaughn for 1 farcical year. Rumor has it (arf, arf, arf!) that she did Marky Mark's FEMALE cousin while filming Rock Star - and beyond. She slept with Ryan Kavanaugh to try to get him to finance one of her sad little romcoms. And then there's the roommate who said X told her the surest way to get work was to "look fuckable". And we all know that a woman who thinks that way is also going to put out to get work. The casting couch is X's true BFF. God knows that explains Leprechaun. Ergo, Daddy's theory is bunk. X has no problem dating co-workers, bosses or anyone else she thinks can advance her career.)

Indeed, a close pal tells US that, for Jen, career takes priority over romance, "She wants to marry and have kids, but she really wants to be the biggest actress in Hollywood. That's more important to her than anything." (Sidebar: This ho never learns, does she? This is EXACTLY why Brad dumped her. Because it's all about her ego and her career. Four years later, four years older...and this skank is STILL trying to become an A-list movie actress. At 40. Four. Zero. No doubt she went to the Oscars this year to get the voters used to seeing her on stage accepting her Best Actress Oscar for The Baster.) (Following a string of stinker movies, her last two movies, Marley & Me and He's Just Not That Into You, both topped the box office their opening weekends.) (Sidebar: Yes, that's right, US called RHI, TBU, Derailed, and Friends With Money "stinkers". Too bad they didn't complete the insult by pointing out she wasn't THE STAR of either of the two recent movies.)

And even as all her friends raise families - Courteney Cox, Laura Dern and Jennifer Meyer (Mrs. Tobey Maguire) are married with kids, and single Sheryl Crow adopted a son - "Jen has no problem being the third wheel," says another insider. (Sidebar: Yeah, we noticed. Too bad her friends don't always not have a problem with it, too. The two times she and Court have fallen out in the last 18 months have been because David put his foot down and told Court to get X out of his face, out of his house and preferably out of the city.)

Still, despite Jen's seeming lack of concern with her single status, "her close friends really want to see her settled down," says the insider. (Sidebar: Yeah...so they don't have to listen to her whining about Brad anymore!) But blind dates set up by pals such as Cox "never work out. Guys get intimidated because she's so in the public eye." (Sidebar: No, guys get intimidated because they can't compete with Brad Pitt. Guys get leery of the fact that X has spent the last 4 years publicly whining about the man who got a way and has shown no real progress at moving on and getting over being dumped for the most beautiful and sexiest woman alive - a woman they, too, would happily dump X for.) Another challenge? She's picky. "We all try to get her a nice, normal guy: a lawyer, an executive," says a friend, "but it never works. She's bored after the first or second date and never calls them again. She blames the guy and says they 'don't get how hard it is to be famous.'" (Sidebar: In other words, X slept with them on the first date and they never called her again. After all - who needs Brad Pitt's leftovers permanently when she's already let them taste what Brad threw away? Added to that - X doesn't want a "nice, normal guy". She wants an A-lister. She wants a mega-gazillionaire. She wants someone more famous than Brad or Angie. And most importantly - she wants who's at least semi-attractive. She didn't show up at the Oscars with some knuckle-scraping Sasquatch look-a-like. Sure, The Urinator's head is twice the size of a normal person's, but he's certainly better looking than anyone else she's dated post-Brad - including PMBP. The day X is willing seen dating a man as fugly as The Trump - you'll know he's loaded and financing her films...just kidding...then you'll know she's moved on. Otherwise she's in a pissing contest with the two most attractive people on the planet. She's going to be hard-pressed to find a man as gorgeous as Brad and God knows SHE is nowhere near Angie's league in the beauty department.)

Making matters worse; "Jen is obsessed with her looks and is petrified of getting older," the friend tells US. (Sidebar: I hate to tell X this...but...we can smell her fear. Let's just say that Chanel ain't gonna be bottling it anytime soon.) Jen even admitted to Ellen Degeneres in February that finding a gray hair sent her into hysterics: "It actually brought me to tears, slightly." (Sidebar: Hearing about that brought me to tears, too - tears from the hysterical laughter it induced. Instead of crying the twit should have fired Hair Boy - not take him to Europe and have the studio shell out $50K for him to miss coloring all her gray hair.) A Mayer source says it's precisely that behavior that drove the crooner away: "She was high maintenance and unbearable." (Sidebar: Just goes to show you how high Brad was those first 3 1/2 years they were together, don't it? I figure he stopped "waking and baking" somewhere around December 2001. He emerged from the ganja fog one day and found out he was married to X and then spent 3 years trying to get away from her neurotic ass.)

GOOD FRIENDS

For now, Aniston seems content to be in the company of her pals. At a Paul McCartney benefit concert for the David Lynch Foundation in New York city on April 4, "She was having a great time. No guys, no flirting. Just enjoying the show and talking to David [Arquette]," says a concert-goer. (Sidebar: Hmmm...April 4, huh? Her daddy was at B&N that day, but X couldn't be bothered to go down there and put in some face time with him. She only pulls him out for movie premieres when she needs to be seen as a "family oriented". As for X not flirting with anyone at the concert - that was prolly because of the "Needy Ho" sign she wears plastered to her forehead. And by-the-by...why was David Arquette there with X and Court nowhere around? Does that mean he left Court for X? Or that he and X are fooling around behind Court's back? I've long said - he's GOT to be tapping that ass on the side. There's no way a man voluntarily puts up with a woman as needy as X without getting laid in return - unless he's your best gay.) When pal Crow took the stage, Jen cheered. And she particularly lit up when Paul and Ringo [Starr] sang "With A Little Help From My Friends." A fitting anthem for Jen, once again. (Sidebar: Meow, Janice Min! If I were going to give X a theme song it would be "Alone Again (Naturally) by Gilbert O'Sullivan.)

Caption - X photo taken by razzi on set of her next bomb. This was one of those pix that looked like a photoshoot. You know X set that crap up because the lighting was perfect. It was during The Urinator's cruise and X was showing how not torn up over the dumping she was. The caption reads, "We lived by the Golden Rule in our house: Do unto others as you would have done unto you," John Aniston tells US of raising daughter Jennifer. (Sidebar: This certainly explains why Brad dumped her, doesn't it? She dumped Tate Donovan to go chasing after greener pastures - Brad. Therefore Brad dumped X to go chase the greenest pasture of all - Angelina Jolie and his dream of a big family. Seems to me the old Golden Rule has a sense of humor.)

Photo of The Urinator - This was taken on his cruise and he was surrounded by women. The caption reads, "Aniston ex John Mayer dirty-danced with fans and drank bubbly on his Mayercraft Carrier 2 near LA on March 31." (Sidebar: The only reason I mention this is because...well...he was surrounded by young blond women...none of whom looked like a desperate 40 year-old hag with a big ass nose and even bigger chin.)

SIDEBAR - JEN'S CHILDREN'S BOOK

Penned by author Nick Katsoris, Loukoumi's Good Deeds is the third book in a series about a lamb named Loukoumi who helps others by doing nice things. that Jen and John Aniston both lent their voices to narrate the bonus audio cd is "the ultimate good deed!" Katsoris tells US. (Sidebar of my own: PT calls it "The Ultimate In Famewhoring.")

Photo of John Aniston from April 4 at the B&N book reading - I've gotta say...the man looks almost EXACTLY the same as he's looked the last 15 years. Bear in mind the man is 75. His forehead is as smooth as Nicole Kidman's. He's barely got any wrinkles around his eyes. No wrinkles on his cheeks. Altogether now - BOTOX. Seriously...he's better preserved at 75 than X is at 40. Then again...he ain't all orange and shit. And his skin doesn't look like it could double for a leather bodysuit either.


While I'm ragging on US Lies Weakly - Sad to say that Janice Min just cannot manage to stay en pointe in her story about Madge's failed adoption bid. In a sidebar she has to drag Angie into this shit. Like it's Angie's fault that Madge tried to circumvent the system in Malawi and got put on blast...

SIDEBAR - ANGELINA'S CONTROVERSIES

Before Madonna, globetrotting mom Angelina Jolie weathered her own adoption storms.

- Maddox - Jolie obtained custody of the Cambodian native in 2002 through a Seattle group whose workers were later found guilty of Visa fraud and money launderings. (Sidebar of my own: At no point does Min make clear that Angie and Maddox were NEVER a part of this case. These incidents for which they were indicted occurred long after Maddox's adoption was finalized. Of course Min knew that but she had to make it look like Angie played fast and loose in her adoption of Maddox.)

- Zahara - Two years after Jolie's 2005 adoption of "Z" a woman claiming to be the child's birth mother said she wanted her daughter back (she later recanted.) (Sidebar of my own: Once again, Min fails to tell the full story. It was OuttaTouch that dug up this woman and tried to stir up trouble. US even printed at the time the OuttaTouch story was false. Now, however, Min has had nothing to print about Angie since the non-event of the Oscars and suddenly this non-story is a "controversy". Min, like Mr. IUC, simply can't stand it that there's no news on Brad and Angie that she can use to boost sales and website hits...so might as well tag team an anti-Angie article onto Madge's adoption screw up.)

- Pax - In 2007, Jolie and partner Brad Pitt sidestepped a Vietnamese law forbidding unmarried couples to adopt. The actress filed as a single parent instead. (Sidebar of my own: Uh, 'scuse me, Janice, but exactly how did Angie "sidestep" the Vietnamese law? She and Brad are a VERY public couple. It's not like the Vietnamese government didn't know she and Brad were a couple, living together and raising 3 other children. The Vietnamese government could have turned down Angie's adoption bid, but they didn't simply because it was convenient for them to allow the adoption. It got them publicity and they've seen a rise in adoptions because of it. So sit on your thumb and spin, bitch!)



What Brad and Angelina are FIGHTING OVER NOW

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt battle over how to raise their kids. Can they find common ground?

Since walking the red carpet together at the Oscars on February 22, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been living mostly separate lives. (Sidebar: Mentally insert "according to tabloid reports" on the end of this sentence.) While Angie's filming the thriller Salt in NYC, Brad's raising their kids - and when the couple are together, they bicker nonstop, according to multiple reports. (Sidebar: My bad...insert "according to tabloid reports" HERE.)

Now an insider close to Angelina reveals precisely what the actress and Brad are fighting about: how to raise their six kids. (Sidebar: Ummm...these same "multiple reports" gave reasons for the supposed fighting...and guess what? They weren't the same reasons Lies & Shite is about to give. Why bother to cite "multiple reports" about fighting if you don't reference what they were supposedly righting about? Just asking.) "They have totally different outlooks," the insider tells Life & Style. (Sidebar: This is, of course, contrary to what both Angie and Brad have said in the past, but why let the truth stand in the way of this saga?)

One of the main points of contention is religion. Last year Angie, 33, told Vanity Fair that she planned to teach her children about all faiths: "They can pick one or be a student of all of them." (Sidebar: Please note - they left out the most important part of this statement - Angie also said that Brad had given her a bookshelf full of books on various religions for Christmas in 2007. But including that part of her comment would put a quick end to what's sure to be a pathetic waste of my time...)

But Brad, 45, who was raised Southern Baptist, wants his kids to have a genuine connection to HIS (in italics) religion. "He's from a family that looked at church as a big part of their lives," says the insider, "and he wonders why he can't expose his children to the same influence." (Sidebar: First of all - Angie said the kids could study "one or ALL of them". That would include Southern Baptist. Secondly, this is total bullshit. Brad has said a number of time that he felt stifled by his religious upbringing and gladly cast it aside at the earliest opportunity.

http://www.parade.com/articles/editions/2007/edition_10-07-2007/Brad_Pitt

Parade Magazine - 10/07/2007

"I always had a lot of questions about the world, even in kindergarten. A big question to me was fairness. If I'd grown up in some other religion, would I get the same shot at Heaven as a Christian has? My mom would come into my room and talk to me. I was very fortunate to have that dialogue with her, but in high school I started to realize that I felt differently from others."

Brad went to Springfield's Kickapoo High, excelling at school debates and sports. As he got older, his religious doubts increased.

"I had crises of faith," he says. "I thought you had to experience things if you want to know right from wrong. I'd go to Christian revivals and be moved by the Holy Spirit, and I'd go to rock concerts and feel the same fervor. Then I'd be told, 'That's the Devil's music! Don't partake in that!' I wanted to experience things religion said not to experience."

By the time he entered college, Pitt had scuttled his fundamentalist beliefs. "When I got untethered from the comfort of religion, it wasn't a loss of faith for me, it was a discovery of self," he says. "I had faith that I'm capable enough to handle any situation. There's peace in understanding that I have only one life, here and now, and I'm responsible.

Followed by...

"What's important to me is that I've defined my beliefs and lived according to them and not betrayed them," he says. "One of those is my belief in family. I still have faith in that."

and...

http://www.theage.com.au/news/entertainment/film/not-just-a-pretty-face/2008/12/11/1228585025215.html

He lost that old-time religion somewhere in the first year of university, where he was studying journalism. "I didn't understand this idea of a God who says, 'You have to acknowledge me,' " he said in the same interview. "'You have to say that I'm the best, and then I'll give you eternal happiness. If you won't, then you don't get it!' It seemed to be about ego. I can't see God operating from ego, so it made no sense to me.")


For now, Brad's letting Angelina have her way. But, the two still have a wide difference in their general approach to parenting. (Sidebar: Now they're off on a different tack because the religion angle was so weak.) With six kids - Maddox, 7, Pax, 5, Zahara, 4, Shiloh, 2, and 8-month-old twins Vivienne and Knox - in one household, there's plenty of roughhousing. Angelina's the disciplinarian, and she's grown frustrated with Brad's hands-off manner. "She thinks Brad's too much of a softie," the insider says. "She's always reminding him that the kids aren't there for his amusement. Brad has a lot of fun being a dad, but for Angelina, parenthood is this massive responsibility." (Sidebar: Riiiiiiiigggghhhhhhtttttt...Brad's just hanging with the kids and playing horsie. That's why Angie told both Marie Claire and Peeps that Brad was a "strong father" with the boys and disciplined them while she disciplined the girls because Brad was a big softie with them. It's also why Brad told Okra that he'd had to "knock" the boys "heads together" a few times, but the girls could do no wrong. It's also why people who were at the MIR dedication ceremony said they heard BRAD disciplining Maddox and Pax when they got rowdy. In other words - I call bullshit on Lies & Shit)

Sadly, no matter how much they argue, Brad and Angelina don't seem any closer to resolving their problems. "Instead of trying to get on the same page," says the insider, "they're each just doing their own thing with the kids and hoping it's all going to work out." (Sidebar: Ummm...pardon me for pointing this out...but...THAT'S WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO! Why should Brad and Angie be any different? Never mind the fact that Angie told the Reader's Digest that they shared similar thoughts on child-rearing. But back to Lies & Shit's idiotic statement - I've got a brother who, when his song was younger, used to swear his son can do no wrong. The child is the spawn of Satan and even his mother knows it...but according to my brother he's..."just a little wild". My sister-in-law had to discipline the kid while my brother thought she was being too hard on him. Obviously they were NOT "on the same page". Then again...considering how he turned out...I wouldn't leavet that boy alone in my house for more than 2 seconds unless I had a hankering to give up TV, music, computing...and possibly eating because I'm not entirely sure he wouldn't steal the fridge along with the contents...)

SIDEBAR - IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME THEY'VE FOUGHT (Oh goody...a walk down tabloid memory lane...)

1. Family Ties - photo of B/A at the LA CCOBB premiere with his 'rents -

Brad's mom, Jane, was initially cold to Angelina, so Angie often refused to celebrate Thanksgiving in Springfield, MO with the Pitts (Sidebar of my own: Angie couldn't go to Springfield for dinner with the Pitts because she wasn’t' invited. X was. Such a shame when the tabs can't remember their own lies.)

2. Where to live? - photo of Chateau Miraval -

She prefers Chateau Miraval in France, but Brad always wanted to stay in L.A. (Sidebar of my own: I guess that's why Brad told the Rolling Stone that they liked living in France because it gave them easy access to all the other countries in Europe that they love. And that the family is nomadic because of the razzi. And also told W magi, “By nature, I keep moving, man. My theory is, be the shark. You’ve just got to keep moving. You can’t stop.”)

3. Jen's in the way - photo of X at the HJNTIY premiere (I'm sure L&S failed to see the irony in using this photo...Cuz Brad DEFINITELY ain't into X (Sorry, Mr. IUC, you're foiled again.))

Jennifer Aniston's recent interview calling Angie's actions "very uncoil" sparked tensions. (Sidebar of my own: GMAFB, Lies & Shit. When you've got to reach back 6 months to come up with a third point...it's just best to stop at 2. Otherwise you risk seeming pathetic, whiny and desperate...kinda like you're channeling X...)

SIDEBAR - THEIR NEXT FIGHT? - Photo of Kamar De Los Reyes looking his usual soap-cheese self.

Angie's sexy Salt co-star, One Life To Live vet, Kamar De Los Reyes, 41, is a big fan of the actress. "She's absolutely beautiful and extremely talented," he tells Life & Style. "I'm so flattered just to be on the same set as her." Uh-oh - should Brad be worried? (Sidebar: Anybody else smell that rancid odor? That's L&S's desperation to stretch this story to 2 full pages - with lots of photos. I'm gonna bottle that shit and sell under the name of "Eau de X".)

ANGELINA TELLS BRAD: I DON'T NEED YOU

Angelina Jolie plans to adopt another baby with or without Brad Pitt

The stress of raising six children while filming movies all over the world has taken a huge toll on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. According to sources, their relationship is so strained that the couple has barely slept in the same bad since Angelina began filming the spy thriller Salt in New York city in March. (Sidebar: "Sources" is their way of not admitting they are piggy-backing their faction on equally fictitious stories that were in other equally shitty tabloids.) "They're going through some tough times," a close confidante explains. "When they first got together Angie could do no wrong in Brad's eyes. But four years later, he no longer thinks she walks on water." (Sidebar: No, 4 years later Brad thinks Angie walks on air and her shit don't stink either.)

So when Angelina, 33, insisted she wanted to adopt yet another child from Ethiopia this year, Brad finally put his foot down and said no. "Angelina was furious," the friend tells In Touch. "She told Brad he had no right to tell her she can't add to her family and that she will adopt again - with or without his permission." (Sidebar: Anybody else have the mental image of Brad stamping his foot on the floor, putting his hands on his hips and shouting, "I won't stand for it, woman! You'll do as you're told!"? Don't make me go back to those Bo & Hope DOOL analogies...)

Brad, 45, believes that adding more kids into the mix "would be crazy," adds the friend. "He's told her he thinks their life is hectic enough and that he doesn't want more." (Sidebar: From time to time I'm going to let Brad & Angie's own words refute this nonsensical crapola -

http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/entertainment/entertainment/view/20081211-177467/Brad-Pitt-on-Shilohs-film-debut

When a journalist asked Brad if he agreed with what Angelina told us in a recent interview that they’re not quite done yet having more kids, he replied with a smile, “We haven’t found any reason not to yet. It is chaos at moments but there’s such joy in the house. I look down and there’s our boy from Vietnam, our daughter from Ethiopia, our girl who was born in Namibia, our son who’s from Cambodia and they are brothers and sisters, man. They are like blood relations and it is such a sight that make us feel elated. Given that with our jobs, we have the capability to also give someone a home, provide a home… Let me tell you, it’s selfish too because the reward has been extraordinary so no, we haven’t found any reason to stop yet.”)


But Angelina reminded him that she adopted three children as a single mom, and that she'll happily do it again without him, because she doesn't need him at all to adopt." (Sidebar: Ummm...not to throw a spanner in the middle of OuttaTouch's story...but...Angie adopting as a single parent will ALWAYS be the case as long as they're not married. Brad even told Charlie Rose that it had to work that way because they're not married. Ergo, Duh. Also, a little shout out to resident IUC worshippers - they ain't married, morons!) The friend says Brad was so angry, he told Angelina that if she adopts without him, "she's breaking the deal they made to make all big choices together - and he will leave." but Angelina didn't feel threatened: "If it comes down to choosing more kids over keeping Brad, then she'll choose having more kids." (Sidebar: I'll let Angie handle this one...

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/film/article5088727.ece

“Early on when we met, we had this time when we were working together and we just spent it discussing how we saw our lives and what our plans were for the future. And there was a day when we both talked about wanting a large family. At the time I was thinking of only adoptive children, but he saw a big family mixed with adoptive and born children. And I ended up falling in love with a man who I think was destined to have children and suddenly one day it felt right and there it was.)


BRAD IS OVERWHELMED

While Brad loves being a father to Maddox, 7, Pax, 5, Zahara, 4, Shiloh, 2, and twins Vivienne and Knox, 9 months, he doesn't want to give in to Angelina on the adoption issue. (Sidebar: I hope OT remembers they said this in 1 month when they're claiming Angie's preggers and/or adopting. Plus, Brad told Charlie Rose, "We'll probably crap out somewhere between 6 and 8." Unless there's some new tabloid math that I don't know about...the last time I checked 7 is between 6 and 8.) The friend reveals that he's really struggling with playing Mr. Mom while Angelina is working on the Salt set all day. "Being with the kids exhausts him. It's just relentless. Every child has different needs, and they all have such strong personalities. They are always yelling and screaming." (Sidebar: Uh...what happened to the 714 nannies y'all claimed they had? What are they doing all day? watching the clothes go 'round? Watching Okra? Besides - 2 of the kids are on the set with Angie...and the other 4 are in school and pre-school. So why exactly is Brad tired? From taking the kids to Dunkin' Donuts before school?)

According to a member of their inner circle, Brad and an army of caretakers are watching over the kids, (Sidebar: "An army of caretakers"? Then, once again, I have to ask - why the fuck is Brad "overwhelmed"?) but Angelina seems disconnected from them at times since she's been shooting Salt. "Angie gets flustered trying to do Zahara's hair," the friend says, (Sidebar: Oh no they di'hint! Now the Black Hair Police and Pomade Brigade will come out of the woodwork. But...the good news is that now the Black hair Police and Pomade Brigade know Z's hairdos aren't Angie's fault! It's Z's fault!) "And she doesn't always have the patience to do Shiloh's hair either. She asks the girls to try to learn to do it themselves." (Sidebar: Well...that certainly explains Shiloh's hair in the Tokyo airport and the day they went to Lee's Art store, doesn't it? It's sad when 2 year-old white kids can't comb their own hair, ain't it? Hopefully the White Hair Police: Kiddie Division are on the case and will put the beat down on Shiloh for bringing her peeps down.)

When Angelina first brought the twins back from France, none of the staff was allowed to touch them without talking to Angelina or Brad first. (Sidebar: Ruh-roh...this is how the Star NannyGate got started...the nanny was in the room with the twins alone, then Brad came in and the rest of the story will go down in Star infamy...) "She was obsessed with that," says the inner-circle source. "Now, she has less energy to feed them or change their diapers." Brad or a nurse does the night feedings and recently, one of the nannies approached Angelina to tell her that Knox needed to be cleaned, and she said with a tired voice, "So change him." (Sidebar: It's pretty pathetic when a working mother is being attacked because she was too tired to wipe her kid's poopy ass and expected the person she's PAYING to do it for her to actually do their freaking job.)

When Angelina returns home to the mansion they are staying at in Long Island, N.Y., after working all day, "She says 'hi' to the kids, who are running wild, and then heads to the bathroom to take a two-hour bath," says the member of the inner circle. (Sidebar: No hyphen in "inner circle" this time. These losers can't even figure out if a phrase should be hyphenated or not but they want you believe this story.) Angelina's lack of interest to help out around the house has caused many arguments with Brad, who feels "frazzled," the friend says. (Sidebar: If I were Angie I'd tell Brad, "Dude...why are you frazzled? You've got 714 nannies here to help you...and 4 of the kids are in school most of the day and the other 2 are with me on the set! If doing nothing all day "frazzles" you...then tough shit!")

HE THINKS SHE'S REALLY SELFISH

Despite the fact that Angelina has said numerous times that she would like to quite acting for a year to be a full-time mother, Brad worries that Angelina will never give up working to look after the kids. (Sidebar: Should I point out to OT that not working from Dec 5, 2007 until February 17, 2009 is 15 months, 2 weeks - well over a year of not working? Nah. That would be mean of me, wouldn't it?") "He feels like, how can they add another child into their family?" the friend explains. "It's not physically possible. It's so hard as it is, and yet, Angie wants more." (Sidebar: Once again - when you've got 714 nannies...what's one more kid for them to look after?)

Brad has grown tired of Angelina's domineering personality. "It's always her way or the highway," he complained to a close confidante. "Angelina doesn't give up control for anybody That is just how she is." (Sidebar: Since when does Brad call Angie "Angelina"? It OuttaTouch wants to be believable when they put words in Brad's mouth the least they could do is call Angie by the right name. But...once again...I'll let Angie defend herself -

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24797380-2902,00.html

"We agree where we stand, what we believe in, what our values are. We don't agree 100 per cent on everything, but we support each other where it counts. That's why everything else between us is so strong.)

While Brad agreed to take time off from acting to look after the children while Angelina films Salt, she refuses to return the favor. (Sidebar: NOW would be a good time to point out that Angie hasn't made a movie at the same time as Brad, wouldn't it?) He wanted to take the family to Cannes International Film Festival in May for the premiere of his next movie, Inglourious Basterds, but Angelina told him she wasn't going. "She refuses to commit to anything," the close confidante explains. "Brad was devastate." (Sidebar: First of all - when Angie shows up in Cannes in May OT will claim Brad persuaded her or threatened to leave her if she didn't come. Secondly, does OT not understand that if the studio refuses to halt production so the star can accompany her boyfriend on a promotional junket for another film, then it's NOT Angie's fault? Third, did Angie not say that the studios probably hate them because they get events like a break for Cannes written into their contract so the family can always be together?

HELLO MAGAZINE - October 21, 2008

“We have to do a lot of forward planning in our lives, but fortunately both Brad and I are at a place in our careers where we can ask the studio to accommodate us. This week has been planned for the Changeling premiere for a long time, so when Brad accepted the film he’s doing now, he said from the beginning that this was a week he wanted to have off so that he could be here with the children while I work, and I do the same for him. I’m sure there are a lot of people in the studios who get very irritated with us.”

And last, who was it that Angie said convinced her to take the role in Salt?

http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/entertainment/entertainment/view/20081011-165802/Angelina-Brad-Hard-to-find-quiet-time

Are you planning to return to work?

"I’m looking at something at the end of February, but there was a big discussion in the house—should I go back to work at all? It would have been over a year since I last worked. But, he was just wonderfully supportive and said, 'We’re here, and we’re great. The babies will be sitting up and hanging out in your trailer. It’s going to be all right. The kids are at school, and they will come visit.' We’re trying to balance it all.")

Brad is also fed up that he's starting to imagine life without Angelina for the first time. "Up to this point, he's done pretty much as he was told," the confidante adds. "Angelina calls the shots and Brad knows it." (Sidebar: This is true. It's a little something Brad & Angie like to call "Bradley's Been A Bad Boy And Mama's Gonna Make Him Pay.")

Not anymore. Brad confided to the close confidante (Sidebar: Doesn't OT realized how redundant it is to say "close confidante?" Who's ever heard of an "enemy confidante" or an "acquaintance confidante?) that he's already thought about seeking joint custody of their children if things between the couple don't work out. (Sidebar: By "close confidante" OT means American Media (aka Star and NE.)) "Brad puts up with a lot, but he doesn't know how much more he can take. He loves Angelina, but he is at his breaking point - unless she starts compromising." (Sidebar: Bitch please. Brad put up with Ms. Neurotic's bullshit for 6 1/2 years, got no children out of the ho and didn't even get visitation rights with Norman. I think he can put up with Angie considering he changed the woman's mind about having biological babies. Obviously Angie knows how to compromise...unlike some skank Brad used to be married to who speaks more highly of her pooch than is comfortable in polite society. All the same...I'll let Brad's own words make a mockery out of OT's feeble claims -

Okra's show - November 19, 2008

”...she also has the biggest heart and just inexhaustible spirit and sweetness and goodness. She’s an inexhaustible mother and great grace and the real glue of the family.”)


Dr. Gilda Carle, author of how to Win When Your Mate Cheats, who doesn't treat the family, believes that Brad seems to be the only one in the relationship who is thinking clearly. "It's selfish to bring kids into a fighting environment," she tells In Touch. "They need to get their issues straightened out before they bring more babies into the family." (Sidebar: Here's a better idea - Brad and Angie can add to their family whenever the hell they feel like it and OuttaTouch shuts the fuck up and minds their own bees wax. Sounds like a fair trade off to me.)


Photo cap - B/A at CCOBB premiere in Berlin - "Being a dad is everything Brad hoped it would be and more," a friend says. Though he once bragged he wanted a soccer team, he's now changed his mind. "He's exhausted. He can't handle more chaos." (Sidebar: As I said earlier, Brad told Charlie Rose in 2007 that they'd "crap out" between 7 and 8, so obviously they stopped aiming for a soccer team a long time ago. It's not their fault OT is just now noticing.)

SIDEBAR - SHE'S ALWAYS ADOPTED AS A SINGLE MOM

1. Maddox was her first - On March 20, 2002 Angelina adopted Maddox, a 7-month-old boy from a Cambodian orphanage. She was married to actor Billy Bob Thornton at the time, but they were living separate lives when she brought the boy home. (Sidebar of my own: Er...no, actually Angie and BBT were NOT living separate lives at the time she adopted Maddox. BBT wasn't exactly thrilled with it, but he went along with the adoption. Had he not she would have been unable to adopt. Therefor - strike one.)

2. Zahara was so sick - In 2005, Angie brought home 6-month-old Zahara Marley, who suffered from malnutrition (Sidebar of my own: Whuh? What happened to the rickets?), from Ethiopia. In 2006, a California court approved Brad's request to legally adopt her and Maddox. (Sidebar of my own: Let's let Angie handle this one, too -

Vogue - January 2007

"...we both saw her picture in a file on the same day, and we both went to Ethiopia to see her, and we both had the same fear because she was sick at the time, and we both made the decision that no matter what, we were going to look after her.

Strike two.)

3. Pax was rescued - While Brad filmed The Curious Case of Benjamin Button in 2007, Angie traveled to Vietnam to adopt Pax, a 3-year-old who had been abandoned at a hospital. Vietnamese rules don't allow unmarried couples to co-adopt, so she adopted him as a single parent. (Sidebar of my own: Kind of undermined they own point, didn't they? Still, Angie did tell Anderson Cooper in June 2006 - "Next WE'LL adopt." It's not her fault these assholes are too stupid to add 2+2 and get 4. Strike three. THEY'RE OUTTA HERE!)

SIDEBAR - SHE'S NEVER COMPROMISED FOR BRAD

1. She says she will stop working but doesn't (Photo of Angie running barefoot on Salt set)

In November, Angelina said, "I don't plan to keep acting very long." Yet, she's now filming Salt in NYC. "She should stay home like she promises," a source says. "It's not like she needs the money." (Sidebar of my own: Notice how OT didn't use Angie's complete quote? She went on to say that she was looking at doing something in February 2009 and then she'd take another year off. Per her interview with the NY Times...

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/19/movies/19harr.html?pagewanted=1&_r=3&ref=arts

In addition she will reprise her vocal performance as Tigress in the sequel to this summer’s “Kung Fu Panda” — the only one of her roughly three dozen movies that any of her children have seen. “It’s a big hit in the house,” she said. “Jack Black is like De Niro to the kids.”

After that, she said, she’ll stay home for another full year, and she expects acting to play a diminishing role in her life as time goes by. For the past several months, since the twins were born, the older kids have been home-schooled, “and they’ve had Mommy and Daddy every day for every meal, and they’ve been very close to us.” It’s not a routine she’s eager to disrupt. Deciding to take a job is “really hard,” she said. “Who’s in school at that time? How can I be sure I don’t do too many long hours? Can the three youngest be on the set every day?”

“As long as I can still be with my family, it’s fun,” she added. “But I only want to do that, and I’m not looking for anything else.”)

2. She says they will settle down, but they don't (Photo of their NOLA house)

Angelina promised to make a mansion in New Orleans' French Quarter their home base, but it's now standing empty, along with their homes in France, LA and Cambodia. (Sidebar of my own: Uh...the house in Cambodia is a "shack" by Angie's own description and is currently being used as headquarters for their Cambodian Millennium Village - the MJP Project. Be that as it may - Angie and Brad both have gone out of their way to emphasize that they're "nomadic" and have chosen NOT to settle in one place, but instead have opted to keep the family together wherever their work takes them. SO how did OuttaTouch manage to get "settle down" out of "We've been run out of every major city?" and "We have a base camp in New Orleans..." and "We have a base camp in L.A...." But...far be it from to speak for Angie when she's more than capable of doing that herself...

HELLO MAGAZINE - October 21, 2008

“We don’t officially live in France. The children all have American passports and are American, too, but I also think that one of the best things about America is that we are a melting pot, a mix of many, many different races and nations. My kids were born in different countries, in Asia, Africa and Europe, and I expect them to learn about those places and to appreciate all other parts of the world, not just their own. Yes, they have their own nationalities and are very proud of them, but that certainly doesn’t diminish the fact that they’re American. To me, that is what being American is.”)


3. She goes to dangerous places against Brad's wishes (Photo of Angie in Baghdad wearing helmet & bullet proof vest) (Sidebar of my own: Yeah...I guess that's why he went to the Burmese refugee camp in Thailand with her...cuz 6 kids losing 1 parent ain't nearly as serious as 6 kids losing BOTH parents.)

Although Brad didn't want her to, Angelina went to Iraq last year when she had four children at home and was expecting twins. "Brad was furious," a source says. "It was so dangerous and all about her ego." (Sidebar: The trip was about her "ego"? The United States State Department, who asked her to go on the mission WITH THEM, would disagree with OT. Then again - anybody with a brain would disagree with OT...obviously that doesn't include the trolls.)

4. She says she will marry Brad, but hasn't (Photo of Brad & Angie in M&MS wedding deleted scene - that's how desperate they were for a picture of Angie in a wedding dress standing next to Brad...and they don't even bother to explain that it's a scene from the movie!) (Sidebar of my own: Uh...she said IF THEIR KIDS ASKED THEM TO...not some fictitious tabloid promise)

Angelina has promised Brad time and time again that she will make their relationship legal, "but she always says it's not the right time," the source adds. "Not being married gives her more power." (Sidebar of my own: Hey, Brad's the one who declared they wouldn't marry until everyone who wanted to marry could do so. Angie's merely pointing out that gay people STILL can't get married in most of the U.S. Why keep blaming Angie for failing to keep fictitious tabloid promises that Brad's own statement renders moot? But since they do...let's let Angie speak for herself...

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20235115,00.html

Asked if she plans to make an honest man out of Brad Pitt, the actress hints that they may end up tying the knot – under pressure from the kids.

“Usually people fall in love and everything revolves around the ritual of marriage, children are an afterthought. We did everything backwards,” says Jolie.

“But sooner or later it will be the kids who ask us [to get married]. You know, they see films and start asking questions. Such as, ‘Why are Shrek and Fiona married and you’re not?’“

Or how about...

http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/entertainment/entertainment/view/20081011-165802/Angelina-Brad-Hard-to-find-quiet-time

Brad said some time ago that you will get married when restrictions on who can marry whom are dropped. If Proposition 8 is defeated, wouldn’t that put you on the spot and you would have to get married?

Ask Brad (laughter).

And then there's...

Marie Claire - June 2007

Yes, but… will they ever get married? "We're not against it," she says. "It just doesn't seem necessary. He and I have never discussed it in detail, but I would assume - because we [both] went down that road before - it's not that contract or that ceremony that makes you feel solid. We've gone the back way around, and maybe there's something to that - that it's hard work and exhaustion and the children that really do make you solid."


And if that's not good enough for OuttaTouch...then take it from Brad - he has no problem considering themselves already married...

http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/entertainment/entertainment/view/20081211-177467/Brad-Pitt-on-Shilohs-film-debut

Brad, who wore a gold band on the ring finger of his right hand, was informed that in Germany, such ring placement meant he was married. He playfully pretended to begin moving the ring as he asked, “Is that right?” But he added, “So be it.”)

SIDEBAR - Angelina could back out of the adoption (Sidebar of my own: Uh...that's the fictitious adoption that OT says Angie's going to go through with against Brad's wishes. Wouldn't want to confuse that with the story OT will be writing next week about their Philippine adoption.)

Angelina has told Brad that she feels she has "met her next child," a little girl the family fell for when they visited the Wide Horizons For Children orphanage in Ethiopia last year. (Sidebar of my own: Yes, I know Brad and Angie didn't go to Ethiopia last year...but play along...) But Brad thinks home life is exhausting already, says an insider. Clearly, Angelina doesn't agree, and she is planning to fly to Africa soon to file the legal papers. Cory Barron from the Children's Hope International adoption agency tells In Touch that Brad can't stop her. "It is an adoption between the individual and the country. The country is not involved with a partner or boyfriend. He has no say in the matter." (Sidebar of my own: uh, no, but SOCIAL SERVICES in the city/state of the legal residence IS. As are the Feds, who have to issue a Visa to bring the child back into the country. Unless, of course, OT is claiming that Angie doesn't ever intend to return to the U.S.) Even though Angelina could renege on the adoption, it's highly unlikely she'll do so. "It's a very emotional, trying process," says Barron. "People put a lot of thought and prayer into adoption." (Sidebar of my own: Per Angie's statement to Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America in December 2006 - they WILL "even up the races" or words to that effect, so that Z doesn't feel isolated within the family. Why do OT insists on acting like Brad doesn't agree with that is a mystery to me. Z is his first daughter. He'll do everything he can to make sure she's happy and well-adjusted and only a complete moron wouldn't think another African child would help with that process. Stupid fuckers.)

SIDEBAR - ANGELINA KEEPS RUNNING TO BILLY BOB FOR ADVICE (Photo of Angie with BBT - her back to his front and he's got his hands on her boobs and she's got her head turned sideways and is biting his lip.) (Sidebar of my own: Unfortunately I had just eaten dinner before laying my eyes on this photo. Bulimia is underrated. Say goodbye to my Supreme chicken chalupa from Taco Bell...)

When Brad and Angelina fight, she turns to her ex-husband Billy Bob Thornton - and that makes Brad even angrier. (Sidebar of my own: That's THIS YEAR. Last year it was JLM. And considering BBT can't even give a interview to a Canadian radio host about his crappy band...never mind the fact that he's been married 5 times and is reportedly cheating on his current live-in girlfriend, ran out on Angie because he's a dickless invertebrate and sometime shut-in who's afraid of his own shadow...and antiques...and Benjamin Disraeli's hairpiece...and orange foods...and cooked veggies...why in the fuck would Angie take relationship advise from that loser?) "She calls and texts every other day," the friend reveals. "Angie says Billy Bob always knows what to say, and she gets off the phone happier. She says Brad only makes her sad." Angelina also tells pals how much she loves Billy Bob - right in front of Brad. "It seems like she's doing it to belittle him,” says the source. (Sidebar: aka Mr. IUC) "She never tells Brad she loves him." (Sidebar of my own: Au contraire liare! Not a typo...I just needed it to rhyme...

Jolie laughs. Eastwood may be the ideal man, she says, "but Brad knows that he's my ideal man."

And then there's...

Marie Claire - June 2007

And suddenly I can't help myself: What happened, I ask, the first time they said "I love you: to each other? For my trouble, I got a raised eyebrow. "I don't think we've ever done that," Jolie says, flashing a smile. "I mean, I'm sure we have but, we would punch each other in the arm first."

...and let's not forget Brad...

Rolling Stone - December 25, 2008-January 8, 2009

As for his favorite Jolie film?

Their 2005 action flick Mr. & Mrs. Smith.

Why?

“Because you know … six kids,” he says. “Because I fell in love.”

Nonetheless, she said, she looks forward to the day when she can put “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” in the DVD player for the children; “not a lot of people get to see a movie where their parents fell in love.”)


SIDEBAR - IT'S THE LONGEST THEY HAVE GONE WITHOUT ADDING TO THEIR FAMILY (Sidebar of my own: Then why the fuck did you bother making up this story if you know they add to the family at regularly scheduled intervals?)

Since they started dating, Brad and Angie have either adopted a child or had a baby (or babies) every year. But when the twins, Knox and Vivienne, were born last July, they stopped making firm plans to bring another child into their home in 2009. "Brad has this nagging parental guilt" a friend explains. "He worries that the ones they have are not getting enough love." (Sidebar of my own: I've got a nagging parental guilt" too - I worry these dipshits are someone's parents! But...I think I'll let Angie and Brad have the final words...

About that family, she and Mr. Pitt aren’t planning to stop at six. “Oh, no,” she said happily. “I mean, I know we seem crazy, just bringing them in one after the other, but we do plan. We make sure one is absorbed completely into the family before we add another. There are moments when we look at everyone around the dinner table, and it’s just crazy, but our family is the greatest thing we’ve done in our lives.”

"I had a whole other life and I got to experience a lot. And I probably got away with more than I should," he says. "And it kind of ran its course, you know, it kind of hit a dead end." Fatherhood, he notes, is "the direction I always thought I would go in. But not until, with Angie and it felt like a natural evolution, a natural direction.")

5 comments:

Nedda said...

Now it's a habit. I've put your link in my favourites. I check nearly everyday. You entertain me bit I realize that you do work hard and carefully, using all the possible research with correct information. I love their sources!!! Especially the insiders and the friends sources!!!
This phrase just made me fall off my chair: "So sit on your thumb and spin, bitch!"
LOL Thanks

Nedda said...

Error in writing "You entertain me but I realize" not "bit"

Anonymous said...

Thanks PT!!

Anonymous said...

Hey there PT,
thanks for the report...always makes my day. Appreciation is high for all the research, writing and time you put into these every week. You will never be able to take a vacation, get sick or have an adequate excuse for NOT writing your weekly tab report LOL...that's what happens when you're good at what you do.
But here's my thanks for every week even though I may not leave a comment.
FALP

Anonymous said...

PT you are amazing. Love your reports. I have to say when I became a fan of Brad/Angie's I bought the tabs just to get some info. I have not purchased one in over a year. You have an amazing talent and your humor is out of this world. You have spoiled the masses. Thanks. I appreciate all the time you put into this. You make my week. Thanks from all the Jolie-Pitt fans.

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