Sunday, March 1, 2009

TABLOID REPORT

(For the MARCH 9, 2009 issues of not OK!, US Lies Weakly, Star, OuttaTouch & Lies & Shit)

I thought I’d try something different with this report because two of the tabs went that extra mile and it would be remiss of me to leave anything out. Therefore, this is going to be a REALLY, REALLY LONG tab report.

This time I decided to take a laptop to B&N with me. It was a pretty busy Friday night at the bookstore…and son of a gun if a girl can’t just type away on her laptop without a soul paying attention…ergo…that’s right…I GOT BOTH OF THE WHOLE FREAKING ARTICLES FROM US & OK! If I’d known no one would pay attention I’d have brought my camera phone along and taken a few pix and typed the damned thing when I got home. Anythief…that’s beside the point…

Since I was able to type up both the US and OK articles, I’ll post the articles in their entirety with my comments in parentheses. Because I don’t want to get sued for copyright infringement or plagiarism– BBBBWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! – I’m giving the writers of this pathetic garbage a by-line. In all honestly, I just don’t want people thinking I was stupid enough, or high or drunk enough, to come up with this shit on my own.

Before I get started, please take a moment to visit my sponsor – the one, the only…the legend…Mr. Andy Williams! (sans the Osmonds)…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_FklOwMyoE

Are you crying yet? Cuz, I am. For those of you too young to know what this video is – it’s excerpts from the movie “Love Story” with Ryan O’Neal and Ali McGraw. Like X, McGraw was/is a perfectly wretched actress. Just be glad the video had Andy singing his classic hit “Where Do I Begin” and you didn’t have to listen to McGraw try to emote. She’s such a bad actress she makes X look Oscar worthy.

If you’re not already maudlin after watching Ryan & Ali frolic in the snow…then grab a box of Puffs and prepare to weep your eyes out. By the time I’m done there won’t be a dry eye in the house. It may be laughter induced…but I promise you…you WILL cry real tears and not those fake ass Rachelesque, hair-flipping tears the tv hacktress is known for.

Love Story’s big claim to fame was the cheesy tag line, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Saying you’re sorry and admitting to your share of the blame…a little problem X is known to have… And ironically one of the big plot points in “Love Story” is that the struggling young couple can’t have children because the Mrs.’ plumbing is effed up. Go ahead…pick up the Puffs and wipe away that tear…

notOK – March 9, 2000

JEN & BRAD STILL LOVE EACH OTHER

(Four years after their split, the exes encounter each other at the Oscars- and realize they haven’t moved on)

By professional scumbags, er, “journalists”, Richard Jerome, with Delaina Dixon, Jackie, Gallo, Derek Ivie & Meaghan Murphy

(Yes, folks, you read that correctly. It took 5 idiots from notOK to scrounge up enough brain cells to put this drivel together. FIVE. F-I-V-E. I bet you anything that they have 1 more guy at the office and the six of them get together on Saturday nights and play “Friends”. I wonder which of the men gets to be Rachel?)


After four years of daring comments, “uncool” quips and suggestive remarks, the long-anticipated face to face meeting between A-list adversaries Jennifer Aniston (Sidebar: Correction, FORMER A-list. Homegirl can’t get a traffic ticket, much less a movie greenlit) and Angelina Jolie (Sidebar: Notice how BRAD is given a pass…again?) at the 81st Academy Awards was quietly anticlimactic (Sidebar: So we were forced to write a Faniston fanfic to compensate for the lack of any REAL news…) – with good reason. “Jen couldn’t have cared less whether Angie was at the Oscars,” an insider tells OK! Of the Feb. 22 run-in. (Sidebar: Er, thought you said there wasn’t a “run-in”…and if X didn’t care if Angie was there, then why didn’t she walk the RC or approach Brad to chat?)

A radiant Jen (Sidebar: Stop laughing…) seemed not to notice her so-called rival Angie (Sidebar: Pfffft…like that bitch didn’t notice the most beautiful woman in the room! Bitch, please. This is Angelina Jolie we’re talking about, not some two-bit wannabe like Megan Fox!), focusing instead on the man who has become a father of six since leaving her in 2005. (Sidebar: That would be “father of six of Angelina Jolie’s children!”)

“Jen worried about the inevitable encounter between her and Brad for weeks,” adds the source. “She thought about Angie, but it was Brad that she was nervous about seeing.” (Sidebar: X was so not worried about Angie that she had to get coked up before going out on stage. She only thought about Brad because she was checking to see if the dog flick still had a higher box office total than CCOBB. Plus X knows Brad had figured out her PR strategy – show up and try to steal the spotlight away from Angie and himself. Folks like Lamey think she succeeded. Most others think she made an ass out of herself by putting her desperation on worldwide display.)

Although Jen, 40, appears to have found love again with singer John Mayer, she is still troubled by the past. “Once her eyes met Brad’s that night, it rekindled all the old feelings,” says the insider. “She has never stopped loving Brad.” (Sidebar: BBBBWWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! First of all…X was too coked up to make eye contact with anything but the ground to make sure her feet were still on it. Secondly, she never loved Brad in the first place. She just loved that being married to him instantly made her an A-list actress and she got movie roles she would never have gotten on talent alone.)

And the feelings MAY be mutual. (Sidebar: Key word here is “may”. They MAY be mutual…kinda like Lady Liberty MAY just be pretending to be a statue and is tired of holding that damned torch aloft and is going to retire and move to a retirement community for worn out statuary in Scottsdale, AZ. In other words – “WE MADE IT UP!”) “Just because Brad was swept off his feet by Angelina, it didn’t mean he ever stopped loving Jen,” adds the source. “He has this obsession with Angelina and felt he had to explore a relationship with her.” (Sidebar: At this time I would like to remind everyone that I am NOT making this shit up. They REALLY printed this stuff…not just in the US edition, but in the UK edition…and probably worldwide. It’s embarrassingly juvenile. The story reads like it was written by some 13-year old Twilight fan grrrl. Just change the names to Edward & Bella.)

However, the 45 year-old star of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button did not intend for his relationship with Angie to become so serious, so soon after his split from Jen. (Sidebar: Yeah…that’s why he made a beeline for Angie the second he moved his stuff out of the BH house and told the Indian Okra that he missed some big world events in the Spring of 2005 because, “I was too busy chasing Angie.”)

“Things just seemed to snowball, and the next thing Brad knew, he had six kids (Sidebar: They list the kids’ names and ages, but at this point I think we all know who they are),” the insider tells OK! Of the shocking romance that blossomed on the set of the Jolie-Pitt action flick Mr. & Mrs. Smith in late 2005. “There was no turning back.”

(Long ass Sidebar: First of all, these twits can’t even get the filming dates for M&MS right…but they want you to believe that Brad is still pining away for a woman he sat 12 feet from and couldn’t be bothered to wave at?

Secondly, how the hell does a 45 year-old man ACCIDENTALLY stick his dick in a woman and wind up with 3 bio babies in less than 3 years and then ACCIDENTALLY sign his name on the adoption papers of 3 others?

And last, I’ll let Brad’s own words refute OK’s claims of accidental fatherhood. Instead of digging into the archives for quotes of how his marriage to X was a “business merger”, I’ll stay more au current –

Exhibit A – Fatherhood, he notes, is "the direction I always thought I would go in. But not until, with Angie and it felt like a natural evolution, a natural direction." (LA Times, Dec 2008)

Exhibit B – “Now to me, it's more about the value of your time and the value of the people you spend it with which is counter-intuitive to chasing success. As I become older, I've been able to weed out the stuff that seems consuming with no value. We’re together because we can enhance each other and our own ideas and I think of things being finite. It makes me want to not waste any time because I'm with company I really love." (LA Times, Dec 2008)

Exhibit C – “This is what I've wanted for a long time. Being a father in a big loving family like I have is the high point of my life. It's a very comforting feeling. There's nothing better than being a father.” (Daily Telegraph, Sydney, AU)

Or is OK! telling us that once Brad clapped his eyes on X’s stringy hair, thick midsection, glassy beady eyes, and stevedore chin…all of that flew out the window?

Now back to our regularly scheduled bullshit…)


TOGETHER AT LAST (Everybody roll your eyes…they actually subtitled the sections of the article)

By all accounts, the exes haven’t had any face time since the very public breakup of their four-and-a-half-year marriage, but they “have communicated,” says a close friend of Jen’s (Sidebar: That darned Dolly!), without specifying whether the contact was via phone or e-mail. (Sidebar: Pfffft. It was a psychic connection! That’s how deep their bond is! Shame on OK for not knowing this!)

For her part, Jen has said of her relationship with Brad (Sidebar: Uh,’scuse me for interjecting a little reality into this…but…THERE IS NO REALTIONSHIP!), “We don’t not talk. When there’s something to congratulate or celebrate, there’s always an exchange. But there’s no charge to it.” (Sidebar: Since X has had nothing to celebrate or congratulate, what she really means is, “I call Brad’s mom and annoy the shit out of her until she tells me a little something about Brad’s life. Like the time I had to call her every day for 6 straight months before she’d tell me that Brad REALLY wasn’t coming back to me.”) And Brad has maintained that there has been no drama between them since their divorce. “Jen and I still maintain a deep friendship and have a lot of life together that isn’t erased in any way.” (Sidebar: Brad said there was no drama in the divorce PROCEEDINGS…but he didn’t say the parting was completely drama free. He did tell Variety that Plan B was “the child of a bitter divorce”. Just because X didn’t fight the divorce doesn’t mean she didn’t try to make his life hard in other ways! And once again, since we’re quoting Brad’s oblique references to X, “I had a whole other life and I got to experience a lot. And I probably got away with more than I should. And it kind of ran its course, you know, it kind of hit a dead end." How you like dem apples, notOK!)

The lingering chemistry between Jen and Brad became apparent as soon as the actress took the stage with Jack Black to present the award for Best Animated Feature and Short Film. (Sidebar: Suuuuuuurrrrreeeeee…if you call blathering like an idiot and making a fool of yourself “lingering chemistry” then yep, it was a-sizzlin’ in the Kodak!) At first, the Marley and me star seemed uncomfortable, flubbing her lines slightly as she stole a sideways glace at Oscar nominees Brad and Angie, who were seated in the first row. (Sidebar: Anybody else smell a “but” coming up? Also, why was she “stealing a sideways glace” at Angie? Didn’t OK just claim that Angie’s existence was a minor incovenience in X’s coked up widdle noggin?)


BOUNCING BACK

But (Sidebar: We all saw that coming, didn’t we?) the former Friends star recovered quickly and even grinned slyly in Brad’s direction. (Sidebar: Make that, “In what she THOUGHT was Brad’s direction.” Between the glare from the lights and the coke, X was lucky that Jack Black was there to cling to so she didn’t fall flat on her Lenoesque chin!) “She gave him a bit of a wink, too,” the source reveals to OK!. (Sidebar: WTF? Do these twits not realize this shit is on YouTube and people can see for themselves that there was no “bit of a wink”? It was more like, “Damn, my blue contacts are slipping and 1.8 BILLION people are gonna see my eyes are really brown! NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”) “And Brad was smiling from ear to ear pleased she was on stage, so he would have a legitimate reason to look at her.” (Sidebar: Did you guys just spit up a little in your mouths? Cuz I did. Besides…I’m pretty sure I explained Brad’s smile the other night. It involved Angie dyeing his gray crotch hairs with her tongue…)

Angie, however, seemed oblivious to her partner’s sidelong glances at his former wife and even laughed politely at Jen and Jack’s scripted banter, perhaps glad that the collision was taking place before a worldwide audience and not one evening earlier, at the Night Before party, as everyone had feared. (Sidebar: Angie not know what’s going on with Brad, who was sitting right next to her? Bitch please. Angie is nobody’s fool. Not Brad’s and sure as hell not some two-bit tabloid that needs 5 people to write one crappy article about a something that didn’t even happen!)

At the last moment on Feb. 21, Brad and the 33 year-old Changeling star decided to skip that event, a fund-raiser for the Motion Picture and Television fund, held at the Beverly Hills Hotel and attended by A-listers like Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz, Jerry Seinfeld, Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker. (Sidebar: Ruh roh…the folks at OK need to give the folks at Bauer Publishing a call because they said X was told days before the event that Brad & Angie wouldn’t be attending – just like in 2008 when all the tabs were talking about the showdown…but Brad & Angie were never planning to be there because Brad had to be in TX to shoot TOL the Monday after the Oscars.)


HUNG UP

Jen, meanwhile, popped into the party for just a few hours before leaving to host a lavish affair of her own at her new $15 million Beverly Hills estate (Sidebar: Ooh, check out Miss Thang. Ain’t she the Dancing Queen…although she’s quite a bit older than 17. Suddenly she’s hosting parties at her house. Free booze is the only way she can get visitors other than the Godless Circle (that’s NOT a typo)), where she welcomed pals Courteney Cox and husband David Arquette (natch), along with Tobey Maguire and his pregnant spouse, Jen Meyer. (Sidebar: Double natch. Bitch only knows 4 people who can stand to be in her company more than once a decade. Notice the Hanks’ didn’t make a return engagement…Tom was prolly worried about his cred as a movie star…can’t be seen hanging with the wannabes too often. That kind of thing really brings your stock value down in HW.)

And the He’s Just Not That Into You actress had made a celebration of the entire weekend, attending a Grey Goose-sponsored at L.A.’s Cecconi restaurant on Feb. 20. (Sidebar: Her coke dealer likes the new social butterfly X – double the sales. Baby needs a new pair of shoes!)

“Jen came in with two girlfriends and looked amazing,” and onlooker tells OK! “She hung out and spent about 20 minutes talking to Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale in a navy wrap dress that looked like Armani. She was glowing.” (Sidebar: ROTFLMAO! Once again, Huvane always makes sure they mention how “great” X looked. We’ve all seen close-ups of this ho’s leathery skin! The most she could ever looks is “okay”. “Great” is NOT an option. And “amazing” would defy the laws of physics. If you go over to the Urban Dictionary and look up the term “butterface” you’ll see X’s picture next to it. BTW – wonder what X was chatting to Gwen and Gavin about? Well…whatever it was…we know it wasn’t Angie…cuz OK! says X doesn’t think about Angie (insert snorting sound here)… Seriously…WTF could they talk about? Babies? Marriage? Careers? Maybe…well…X and Gavin could talk about wanting them and Gwen could look sheepish and stay quiet…Just kidding Gavin fans…if nothing else he can put “Glycerine” on a loop…) Jen’s beaming was a well-deserved reward for weeks of hard work. (Sidebar: Yeah, all that tanning in Meh-hee-co tired her out…) After stressing for such a long time about being in the same room as Brad, a source tells OK!, “She did everything she could to make sure she looked gorgeous, and that her dress, hair and makeup were perfect.” (Sidebar: LMBAO. Oh yeah…every middle-aged woman aspires to wearing a dress in front of nearly 2 billion people that makes her look thick around the middle, a braid in her otherwise unkempt hair that’s suitable for a small-town 12 year-old girl going to her first country dance and enough make up to single-handedly put Max Factor in the black for the year. Sign my ass right on up for that…)

And that rigorous prep went beyond her appearance – Jen was committed to avoiding any unpleasant and unexpected eruptions on Oscar night. “Her team never allows Jen to be in a situation that would lead to direct “awkward” contact with Brad or Angelina,” a close friend of Jen’s explains to OK!. “And they ensure that if there’s an unavoidable event, Jen is completely prepared for any possible run-in.” (Sidebar: BBBWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The dumb shits just admitted that X is scared to come face-to-face with Angie & Brad! LMAO. Bu-bu-bu-but…but I thought X and Brad are in wuuuuuuuuuvvvvvvv!)

For now, of course, Jen is preoccupied with her sexy Oscar date, 31 year-old “Waiting For The World To Change” singer John. (Sidebar: “John” apparently has no last name. And by “preoccupied” they mean “busy getting peed and pooped on”.)

While the pair have hyped speculation about a pending engagement, the Grammy-winning musician has some formidable, if absent, competition. “Jen doesn’t take marriage lightly, and Brad was everything she dreamed of in a man, “ says the insider. (Sidebar: Brad is X’s dream man? Uh…NOT. In the inimitable words of X herself, “I wouldn’t say that he’s THE love of my life, but certainly A love.” I wouldn’t exactly call that a ringing endorsement of a “dream man.” And then there was X’s infamous attempt at demystifying “Brad Pitt: Sexiest Man Alive” -“He can't get away with that shit [that he's the sexiest man alive] at home. He's not Brad Pitt. He's Brad, pick up your stuff. He's Brad, shut the door. He's my Brad.” Just what every woman dreams of – a man they have to bitch at to pick up after himself, take out the trash and put the toilet seat back down. I think I feel a chorus of “You Light Up My Life” coming on… )

“Brad and Jen will love each other for the rest of their lives,” the insider adds, “and will never be able to completely let go over each other.” (Sidebar: Er…would it be in bad taste to repeat this? “I had a whole other life and I got to experience a lot. And I probably got away with more than I should. And it kind of ran its course, you know, it kind of hit a dead end." So what’s OK! trying to tell us, “I love you, baby…but, daaaayyyyyuuuuuummmmm! You’re a dead end!”? Cuz…I’m thinking Brad’s made it pretty clear – He’s not IN LOVE with X. Love her? Maybe…kinda like I loved this cat I had when I was 10. We had to put her down because she went beserko and smothered her whole litter of newborn kittens. Now days some asshole vet would charge me $200 to tell me it was some kind of kitty post-partum psychosis shit…but…in the end…I loved that crazy cat and kissed her little furry head just before my father bashed that head in with a shovel…that’s how you “put” your animals down in the old days…none of the euthanasia crap…Think we could revive that for X? Cuz I think maybe Brad “loves” X in the same way I loved my psycho kitty…)


Sidebars, photo captions and other miscellaneous hilarity…

- Photo of X clinging to The Urinator with the caption – “When Jen exchanged vows with Brad, she knew she found the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with,” a source tells OK!. (Sidebar: First of all…I love how they have to do their name in caps with an exclamation point EVERY TIME...it’s in the article that way about half a dozen times. Too funny. Secondly, just because SHE wanted to spend the rest of her life mooching off his fame…doesn’t mean HE wanted to spend HIS whole life with her neurotic ass! As my mama always told me, “Just because you want something doesn’t mean you can have it, should have it or are supposed to have it!” Ummm…this was actually in reference to this really cool pair of bell-bottom hip huggers I wanted when I was a kid…but that’s beside the point…and don’t laugh…that shit was da bomb back in the day! I was deemed too young to be wearing ho gear and my older sister ended up with a pair. Bitch.)

- For some reason there’s a big pink circle in the middle of one of the pages that says, “Brad was (in bold) ALL SHE EVER DREAMED OF(Sidebar: This quote appears NOWHERE in the article. I went through a period, too, where all I dreamed of was Brad. I think it was shortly after the nekkid pix came out. And you know what? I DIDN’T GET HIM! Lots of women dream of Brad and don’t get him. Now X is in the same boat with the rest of us. The only difference is we didn’t make him miserable for 6 ½ years and get dumped by him. Bitch needs to recognize!)

- Sidebar: THEIR BODY LANGUAGE REVEALED – Actions speak louder than words! Here’s what Jen, Brad and Angie really felt when they came face to face: (Sidebar of my own: This is “really felt” in OK! Land, not reality.)

1. X – Walking to the podium, Jen lacks self-confidence. “Her chin is down, her mouth tense, her shoulders forward.” Says body-language expert Patti Wood. “It’s just not her normal position.” (Sidebar of my own: Uh, duh! As I said earlier – she was looking down to make sure her feet were on the ground! Not that embarrassing herself in front of 2 billion peeps will stop her from doing coke in the future.)


2. X – “She’s looking right at Brad and Angelina,” says Patti, adding that “Jen is protecting herself by grasping her hands directly in front of her.” (Sidebar of my own: Actually she was doing that to keep from throwing herself at Brad and begging him to take her back.)


3. Brad & Angie – For his part, Brad seems thrilled to see his ex again. “There is happiness in this moment, “ Patti tells OK!. “This is true, positive emotion.” (Sidebar of my own: For the record? Angie had the exact same expression on her face. It was like “His and Her Polite Smiles For Stalker Ex-Spouses 101”…but…OK! opted not to include this in their analysis. Go figure.)


4. Brad & Angie – Watching Jen, “Brad is delighted,” says Patti. “Like a kid watching fireworks.” And Angie: “There’s a grr in that facial position – a bit of tension.” (Sidebar of my own: Somebody can go to YouTube and look this up…but the picture they have – Brad stroking his goatee, Angie with a half-smile…but I think in the video you can see Angie sneak her hand onto Brad’s thigh and slowy inch her way towards heaven…Ether that or Brad farted just as X loosed her best Alex Forrest smile on him…)


5. X – Off stage, Jen still seems a little unnerved. (X making a goofy face and her hands are clenched up around her shoulders.) “Her hands are in fists, and her mouth is tight,” explains Patti. “It’s like, ‘I still have to hold it together.’” (Sidebar of my own: This picture was probably just after X got off stage and it was more like, “Thank God that’s over!” Patti the body language expert ought to try watching the video instead of analyzing 2D photos! How much do these so-called “body-language” experts make? Because all 5 mags dug one up. Is there some kind of college degree involved in this? Or is this like the psychic hotline job where they give you that 20 question test asking if you’ve ever had déjà vu or known who was at the door before you answered it or that the phone was going to ring right before it does? Cuz…if it pays decent money, I could be a body-language expert for the tabs on the side. That’s in addition to being paid to be “a source,” “a pal,” “an insider” and/or a “family friend”.)

- Sidebar: DRESSED TO EXPRESS (picture of X in her fug Valentino dress; Goddess Angie in her kickin’ Elie Saab) – What Jen and Angie didn’t communicate in words (Sidebar of my own: Uh…thought Jen didn’t think about Angie and only thought about Brad, so why should she say anything to Angie? Just asking…), they expressed through their appearances. “Jen made a concerted effort to look young and pure,” (Sidebar of my own: I fucking kid you not!) relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle says of the actress, who wore a white Valentino gown and Bvlgari jewels. While Angie has been flaunting more color on the carpet lately (Sidebar of my own: Oh yeah…now suddenly it’s unusual for Angie to be in black? GMAFB.), she went back to black, donning a strapless Elie Saab. “She was business-as-usual,” says Dr. Gilda. Still, both left an impression. (Sidebar of my own: Yeah, it WAS “business as usual” for Angie.Said business being an award winning actress acknowledged by her peers for her extraordinary work. And also because…AS USUAL, Angie left the impression of a Greek Goddess most women aspire to be…made EVERYBODY’S Best Dressed list and caused Tim Gunn to wet his pants. Meanwhile X, made no one’s best anything list, left the impression of a 40 year-old old desperately trying to recapture her youth with a stupid braid and an annoying boytoy. I guess we should just be glad she didn’t pull out the barrettes. pigtails and headbands and raid the nearest high school for a date.) “They came across as the good and the bad,” celeb stylist Robert Verdi tells OK! “Jen is the good, and Angie is the bad.” (Sidebar of my own: And the bad girl was nominated for an Oscar, DESERVED to be there, took the good girl’s ex-husband home to their 6 beautiful children…and then screwed his brains out well into the night. Meanwhile “The Good Girl” (arf, arf), who was NOT nominated, will NEVER be nominated, and DID NOT need to be there. She then went to the VF after party and posed and preened with her fake boyfriend for the ratzi so everyone would see how fucking happy she is without Brad, snorted coke like she was in a coke snow storm, threw back vodka tonics simply because they were free, and annoyed A-list celebs by plastering herself to their backs for photo ops that made it look like she was “one of them” – an Oscar nominee and A-list movie actress and respected by her peers as such. X’s desperation reminds me of yet another of dear old mom’s homilies, “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.”)

This concludes OK!’s magnus opus to Brad and X’s everlasting “love”. That was such a beautiful story. One for the ages, no doubt. Word’s fail me right now. I’m too overcome with emotion to express myself properly, therefore in my tribute to OK!’s story about Brad and X’s love torn apart by Brad obsession with Angie the 6 kids he accidentally had with her, I offer up this – one of cinema’s quintessential doomed love affairs…take us home, Babs…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7ohTZm6RaA

PS – If you didn’t quite get the lyrics for the Andy Williams song or have never heard it before…this is the kind of cheese that Celine Dion specializes in these day. I’m surprised she hasn’t covered this…yet…

WHERE DO I BEGIN (Theme from "Love Story")

Where do I begin
To tell the story
Of how great a love can be
The sweet love story
That is older than the sea
That sings the truth about the love she brings to me

Where do I start
With the first hello
She gave the meaning
To this empty world of mine
That never did
Another love another time
She came into my life
And made the living fine
She fills my heart

She fills my heart
With very special things
With angel songs
With wild imaginings
She fills my soul
With so much love
That anywhere I go
I'm never lonely
With her along who could be lonely
I reach for her hand
It's always there

How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now
But this much I can say
I know I'll need her till the stars all away
And she'll be there...
How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now
But this much I can say
I know I'll need her till the stars all burn away
And she'll be there...

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