TABLOID REPORT

PART 2 - US LIES WEAKLY – MARCH 9, 2009

INSIDE THE SHOWDOWN

(What you didn’t see on TV as Jennifer Aniston finally finds herself alongside Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at the Oscars)

By Mara Reinstein

(Don’t get too excited by the fact that there’s only one name on the by-line. At the end of the story it says, “With reporting by Leslie Bruce, Carlene Davis, Ian Drew, Erica Leary, Mekeisha Madden, Monique Meneses, Aili Nahas, Omid, Scobie & Ingrid Sheaffer. So although there’s only 1 writer of the story…it took 9 other people to scrounge around backstage in the press room, on the RC and hide out in the bathroom stalls for Us to scrounge up enough dirt for this story. Pretty lame, huh?)

The most tension-filled moment of the 81^st Annual Oscars had nothing to do with Sean versus Mickey or the potential of a Slumdog Millionaire sweep. Instead, what got onlookers seated in the mezzanine level to lean forward in their seats – and veteran entertainment press from around the world to gasp backstage - was the sight of Jennifer Aniston finally facing Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, four years after their marriage ended. (Sidebar: Grown ass adults with college degrees REALLY gasped over a celeb facing her ex-hubby and his baby mama? Thank God these losers are just reporting gossip and not world events.)

On hand to announce the year’s best animated movies with Jack Black (Jolie’s costar in the nominated hit Kung Fu Panda), Aniston stood on stage just a few steps from her ex and the Other Woman, seated in the front row. (Sidebar: The “other woman”? WTF year is this?) Aniston’s anxiety was palpable: Breathing rapidly, she stumbled over word and at times, stared blankly into the audience. (Sidebar: Ummm…hate to break it to Min, but…this is NOT abnormal behavior for coke addicts.) While clips from the nominated movies played, Aniston, 40, tried to defuse the awkwardness by aiming a warm smile at Pitt, 45, (Sidebar: She could have defused the sitch even more by keeping her big fat Greek ass at home because she had no business even being at the damned Oscars.) but then became so unglued that she mistakenly began to head off stage instead of presenting the next award. (Sidebar: Well, Hallelujah…FINALLY somebody points out that X was scared shitless! The Urinator was probably whacking off in his seat as the odor wafted toward him.) As the presenters walked through the bar area a few minutes later, Black told US of Aniston, “She’s a pro!” (Sidebar: Yeah, a pro famewhore.) But when asked if she was nervous, the actress admitted, “Yes!” (Sidebar: Not to put too fine a point on it – ya shouldn’t even have been there!)

And who could blame her? (Sidebar: Put your hands down! It was a rhetorical question!) Despite Hollywood’s small-town insularity, Aniston and Pitt have successfully avoided each other since filing for divorce in March 2005. (Sidebar: That’s no accident. All of Brad’s security people have photos of X, are armed and have permission to shoot trespassers, burglars and peeping exes on sight.) (Among their close calls: Pitt and Jolie were last-minute no-shows at the Night Before party in 2008, and, sources tell US, the exes rearranged their schedules at September’s Toronto International Film Festival so they wouldn’t have to see each other.) (Sidebar: Since Brad & Angie supposedly told the Night Before organizers days ahead of time that they wouldn’t be there…how is that a “last minute no-show”? And Brad’s TIFF appearance was one of the premiere showings at the TIFF at a top venue. X’s movie was shown 3 days later at some rinky dink theater on a college campus – several miles away from where Brad’s movie was shown. Brad was scheduled to be gone before X’s movie even premiered. So…what the hell was there for HIM to “rearrange”? X had to beg to get her movie shown…the organizers all but pissed themselves trying to get Brad to appear. Call me silly, but I’m just not seeing where there could have ever been a conflict!) But during that time Aniston and Jolie, 33, have waged relentless psychological warfare in the media even while bemoaning – perhaps faux-moaning – the attention. (Sidebar: Oh, now, time-out, bitch! Angie NEVER complained about the attention or pleaded for privacy. That was ALL X. She’s the one who says “I want my privacy” and then goes to the Ivy or Meh-hee-co and splays open her legs for the ratzi. When Angie has no movies to promote, you don’t see her lying on the beach or going to Il Sole 3 times a week.) (In December’s Vogue, Aniston addressed a Jolie quote – in which she acknowledged that she couldn’t wait to get to work every day while shooting Mr. & Mrs. Smith with Pitt – by saying blithely, “That was really uncool.”) (Sidebar: Notice how they didn’t point out that it took X 7 days to call back with that “uncool” comment? THAT is the real demonstration of how she’s “faux-moaning”…and calculating. What idiot needs 7 days to formulate a reply unless they’re considering what they can say that will have the most impact, be picked up by the most media outlets, will end up on a controversial cover and put all the focus on her?)

So perhaps in an effort to slay the proverbial elephant in the room, the actress decided to finally stop avoiding her ex. (Sidebar: Pfffft. Puh-leeze. This wasn’t about slaying any elephants. It was about ruining Brad & Angie’s much deserved reward for the great work they did in their movies. It was about making everyone look at her and remember that SHE got dumped and she’s the victim, not them. Any “slaying of elephants” should have waited for a more appropriate time and NOT been used an excuse to upstage Brad. In other words – bitch was being her usual famewhore self.) And with a professional hot streak (Aniston’s last two movies opened at No. 1) (Sidebar: See...this is why Fanistons think X is a “movie star”. Dumb asses like US Lies Weakly pretending X was THE STAR of those 2 movies when in fact she’s 24^th fiddle in one (22 dogs + Owen) and 6^th fiddle in the other. If these shitty rags would just tell the cold hard truth, then Fanistons wouldn’t be running around posting stupid comments like “Jen’s move beat Brad’s!” on ever blog on the planet. And bloggers looking to increase their traffic (yes, Steve Mason, that means you) wouldn’t be writing asinine articles questioning if X sells more movie tickets than Brad.) And a cool younger boyfriend (musician John Mayer, 31), (Sidebar: Pardon me while I snicker…since when is douchebaggery “cool”?) the timing was as good as it gets. “She’s in the best time and place in her life,” an Aniston source tells us. Seconds another, “She knew this day would come, but it shoes how confident she is that she chose to go to the Oscars when Brad and Angelina were nominated.” (Sidebar: She “chose” to go? Pardon my ass, but it don’t work like that. You have to be INVITED first. What she got was lucky. Lucky that the producers changed this year. Lucky that Brad & Angie got nominated. Lucky that Angie turned the producers down when she was asked to present because otherwise X wouldn’t have received an invitation. Lucky that the ratings have sucked for the last 5 years. Lucky that the new producers were assholish enough to lower the respectability level of the Oscars to take advantage of a feud perpetuated by the media. Lucky enough that said producers were willing to throw their star attractions of the evening to the wolves for a ratings increase. Lucky that Brad and Angie really just don’t give a shit what she does with her life. Who knows if they could have blocked any attempt to include X as a presenter, but bottom like – they don’t care what she does!) Needless to say, the live-action soap opera wasn’t lost on the Oscar producers: With 36.3 million viewers watching (up from last year), the cameras cut to an all-too-jovial Jolie twice during Aniston’s presentation. “One of the producers wanted to stir the pot,” a source tells US. “He knew what would make good TV and wanted to manufacture a moment everyone would talk about.” (Sidebar: No shit, Sherlock? Hope Min didn’t shell out any money for that searingly insightful comment. What the producer did, most likely, is ensure that neither Brad nor Angie will bend over backwards next year to present if asked, or attend if not nominated. Hope the producer enjoyed himself because he may have just shot the Academy in their collective feet.)

CALCULATED MOVES (Oh God…US broke their story into title subsections, too!)

Off camera, Aniston never interacted with her two Hollywood nemeses – and that was no accident. (This despite the fact that Jolie once said she would “welcome a meeting” with Aniston.) (Sidebar: Listen fucktards – Angie said that TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO! X has had plenty of time to take her up on her offer and never has, so why should Angie exert herself to talk the ho? Secondly, the Oscars ain’t exactly a meet-and-greet tea party. It’s an awards ceremony, morons! What was Angie supposed to do – interrupt X as she stuttered and stumbled her way through the 100 words of dialog she had, go up on stage, extend her hand to X and say, “Hi, I’m Angie. Thank you for fucking up your marriage to Brad. I appreciate it, Brad is thrilled about it, and my kids thank you for the bottom of their hearts…all SIX of their hearts.”) According to sources, Aniston (who was escorted by Mayer) had a plan to keep her distance. (Sidebar: Uh, ‘scuse me…I thought she was so “confident”? Why did she need to keep her distance? Undoubtedly it was because she knew if anyone saw her standing next to Angie her fugness would be magnified by 100.) As Pitt and Jolie casually made their way down the red carpet, Aniston and the singer sneaked in through the side entrance. “The producers wanted her appearance to be one of the surprises,” one source tells US. Yet Mayer – never one to shy away from attention – quashed any mystery when he confirmed to a reporter five days before the even, “I’m going to the Oscars. …It’s my first being an Oscar boyfriend.” (Sidebar: Pffft…like The Urinator had license to spill that without permission. I think we all know that there was no way for the producers to benefit from X’s being there if the public didn’t know about it ahead of time. They couldn’t take the risk that people would watch the show simply because of the fake mystery they created about the presenters. They HAD to leak some of the names to drum up interest. And what’s the point of creating a fake showdown if nobody knows it’s going to happen? Besides which – plenty of the other presenters walked the RC, so stop fronting, US Lies Weakly!)

Inside, the seating arrangement resembled a game of musical chairs. After Aniston presented, she joined Mayer in the second row of the front section – 15 seats to the right of Pitt. At first, “The producers wanted to make sure Jen and Brad were closer to each other, but her team said no way,” a source tells US. (Sidebar: Bitch please. Like the Academy would allow the producers to risk ruining the night of, and therefore offending, one of their nominees just to get them in the same frame? With this kind of game playing is it any wonder so many of the people they asked to present turned them down? Why accommodate people who are stabbing you in the back even as they ask you for a favor?) A source close to the Marley & Me actress questions why Aniston, a non-nominee, chose to sit in the audience in the first place. (Other presenters, such as Daniel Craig, beelined for after parties postpodium.) (Sidebar: I think we all know the answer to this – FAMEWHORING TO THE BITTER END.) Indeed, Mayer and Aniston were sitting behind nominee Sean Penn, next to nominee Josh Brolin and in front of lesser-known best actor nominee Richard Jenkins. “She stayed to get attention,” says the source. (Sidebar: All together now – DUH! Seriously though – how fucking sad is it that this bitch got a better seat than some of the nominees? I hope she made a WHOLE LOT of enemies that night. Between her unnecessary inclusion, her fucked up stage appearance and stealing the good seats – and spotlight – of people who deserved to be there? That’s a whole lot of infractions for bragging rights to having been in the same building at the same time as Brad and Angie.)

And it worked. On a night when Jolie and Pitt would ordinarily be the full center of attention toasting their great year (two Oscar noms! Twins! General hotness!), the actors instead found themselves undercut by Aniston’s buzzed-about presence. (Sidebar: Undercut? Yeah…that’s why the crowd had a massive orgasm when they exited their SUV, Tim Gunn chased them down for an interview and risked embarrassing himself WITH the cameras rolling, Roker BEGGED them for an interview…and Gaycrest once again had to plead for acknowledgement. That’s why Angie made a ton of best dressed lists and X didn’t. But…X can look on the bright side – LAMEY thought she stole the night!) The usually unflappable Pitt – who has seen the two women snip passive-aggressively at each other through the years – even lost his legendary cool. When asked politely about Aniston’s appearance by an US reporter, he snapped, “Don’t do this. Just don’t do this, please…You’ve got to let it go! Just let it go. Just stop!” (Sidebar: Geez, dickheads, what did you think the man was going to do? Stop right there on the biggest night of his career and chat with some two-bit, pissy little tabloid cockroach about how his ex-wife was ruining not just his night, but his baby mama’s big night? Maybe talk about how desperate and pathetic it looked for her to be there when she didn’t need to be? Or maybe say that he wishes she’d get the fuck over herself and grow up?)

Still, Pitt – who could have extended a public olive branch by greeting Aniston – took pains to ignore her. When out of their seats, they made sure not to run into each other in the common areas. (For example, Aniston and Mayer were never in the green room at the same time Pitt and Jolie.) (Sidebar: Why the fuck should he extend anything to this bitch? She DID NOT need to be there and she only went because she’s one furry little bunny rabbit in a pot of boiling water away from being Alex Forrest, Jr.! X should consider herself lucky that Brad & Angie didn’t bring the Orkin man along as their guest.) Even their postshow exits were timed: Exactly four minutes after Pitt and Jolie left the Kodak Theater holding hands, and onlooker says that Aniston and Mayer were escorted out through the same groundfloor exit. Pitt and Jolie then went directly home to their children. “They did not want to play into the Jen drama and go out after,” the source says. (Sidebar: Why would their post-Oscars routine be different from any other awards show they’ve attended this season? They only one they went to any of the after-parties for was the Golden Globes and even then they only stayed 1 hour. The next day they left for Berlin. And son-of-a-gun if the night after the Oscars they didn’t leave for NYC. Obviously they never had any plans to attend the post-parties – X or no X. Also, what happened to all of X’s “confidence”? Why’d she spend the night avoiding Brad and Angie if she was so damned confident? Why didn’t SHE extend the olive branch? After all, it was SHE who crashed their awards ceremony, not the other way around. She never had any intention ending “this sick Bermuda Triangle”. Without it she’s nothing and her 15 minutes, after 12 excruciatingly long, boring ass years, would be over. She’d be just another Friend trying to be a movie star and she would no longer be the poor pitiful ex-wife whose husband was stolen by Angelina Jolie.)

Aniston, on the other hand, had much to celebrate: Having finally conquered the Brangelina beast, (Sidebar: Uh, how’d she do that? Just by being in the same room and being too big of a pussy to have the nerve to speak to them? Pffft. This isn’t 3^rd grade where you get extra credit for calling someone a bully and then running away!) she and Mayer headed to the high-profile Vanity Fair party, where Mayer wrapped his arm around her waist on the red carpet and announced to the photographers, “We’re dates.” A beaming Aniston – who, in December, complained about “this insatiable need to know about my personal life” – then exclaimed in agreement, “Yeah, we’re dates!” (Sidebar: ROTFL. US found that as juvenile as we did. It’s too bad that these too are about a real as $3 bill. They’re perfect for each other. Should The Urinator ever decide to take up acting he and X can co-star in one of her crappy romcoms, “When Phony Met Douchebag”.)

PRESHOW JITTERS

Despite Aniston’s new-found confidence (fun fact: Marley & Me bested The Curious Case of Benjamin Button at the box office), (Sidebar: Fun fact: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, 13 Oscar nominations; The Dog Flick, 0 Oscar Nominations. Another “fun fact” – Brad Pitt, 6 STUDIO movie projects in production, 2 movies premiering at 2009 Cannes Film Festival . X, 1 “indie” movie project in production, 2 undistributed romcoms in the can scheduled for release in Croatia & Outer Mongolia sometime in 2009…if the distributor doesn’t fold in the meantime…) the self-confessed neurotic obsessed over her looming reunion. “Jen was nervous,” an Aniston source tells US. “She knew she had to look ridiculously hot. She was running even more on her treadmill than usual.” (Sidebar: Poor X…all that running and she still had middle-age spread going on. And once again – we see Huvane makes sure someone says how “hot” X looked…or wanted to look…cuz she didn’t achieve it.)

Aniston also made a conscious effort to destress as much as possible. On February 20, she and three girlfriends dines on the patio at Los Angeles’ Cecconi’s. Later that night, while other Hollywood heavyweights were partying at industry events, she and Mayer went bowling at nearby Lucky Strike. (Sidebar: Wasn’t that a Friends episode? Rachel Goes Slumming At The Bowls-a-lot?) “They shared a lot of laughs and kisses,” a waiter tells US. And on the afternoon of the big day, Mayer fulfilled his boyfriend duties by arriving at her Beverly Hills home with a bouquet of roses and a bottle of champagne. (Sidebar: …and Huvane made sure US found out about both the “regular girl” bowling and the “movie star girl” courted with champagne and flowers. Does this ho make anyone else want channel Ted Kaczynski?)

MOVING ON (As we’ve seen with today’s UK Elle interview…THIS is an impossibility)

Now that the Oscar faceoff is history, is Aniston – who will star in the independent dramas Management and Traveling in 2009 (Sidebar: “Independent” is a polite way of saying no studio is stupid enough to put up the money for anything with X in the lead role. “Dramas” means “They were originally supposed to be comedies, but nobody laughed at the previews…”) – finally ready to move on? Her friends say yes. As one source tells US, “She’s glad she can get that monkey off her back.” (Sidebar: ROTFMAO. Ooooh…goody for Jen! She was in the same 50,000 square foot building as Brad & Angie! Oooooh! What an achievement! Somebody call Ripley!) Pitt, is currently awaiting the August release of his anticipated World War II film Inglourious Basterds, is also forging ahead. (Sidebar: That should be “anticipated STUDIO-FUNDED & DISTRIBUTED World War II film”…) – as is Jolie (who is in New York City to scout locations for her upcoming espionage thriller Salt.) “Brad and Angelina have a perfect life,” a Pitt pal tells us. “He thinks that Jen is trying to hard to be something she’s really not, but he’s not invested anymore.” At least not until the 2010 Oscars. (Sidebar: No, he’s not invested anymore – period. What part of, “Brad doesn’t give a shit what Jen does” did US not understand? As for the 2010 Oscars? Is that an insinuation that X could be nominated for her “indies”? BBBBWWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Or do they mean Brad or Angie will be nominated again and X will be back to piss on their Wheaties? X will never be able to last that long without her daily does of publicity – especially not with Famewhore, Jr. in the picture. A more likely scenario is that since X needs to pimp those two movies in Croatia & Outer Mongolia she’ll be doing another media blitz and once again have to bring up being at the Oscars with Brad and Angie for anyone to care that she’s got another stupid romcom out. That…or…Cannes is 10 short weeks away…Meh-hee-co will be calling her name!) (UPDATE: I wrote this last night BEFORE I saw that X had been blabbling about the divorce in yet another interview..)

Sidebars –

ANALYZING THE SHOWDOW – Body language expert Jan Hargrave breaks down the encounter (Sidebar: Oh goody…here’s that “body language” fuckery again…)

1. Photo of X clinging to Jack Black on stage – Hargrave says Aniston rubbed Black “to show she knows she’s sexy”. (Sidebar of my own: No, she PATTED his chest because she fucked up her line and her knees were knocking so bad she needed support. Yet another supposed expert working from still pictures instead of the VIDEO!)

2. Photo of Angie smiling in audience – “It’s definitely a genuine smile,” Hargrave says of Jolie’s reaction. (Sidebar of my own: Uh, yeah, cuz Angie doesn’t give a crap about X and was laughing her butt off that X screwed up her lines because she was scared spitless.)

3. Photo of X with her hand clasping the sides of her fug face – “Aniston’s animated gestures shows she’s nervous,” Hargrave says. (Sidebar of my own: Golly, what amazing powers of observation. If she had bothered to watch the video the sputtering, stuttering and “uhhing” would have been a dead give away!)

4. Photo of Brad stroking his chin, Angie with a half smile: Pitt resting his hand on his chin “means he’s evaluating and hoping both ladies can handle the situation,” Hargrave surmises. (Sidebar: LOL. Nawww! Ms. Hargrave clearly needs to consult with her colleague, Patti Wood, who told notOK that this same picture was a further demonstration of how happy Brad was to set his baby blues upon the visage of his fug ex-wife again, “Brad is delighted. Like a kid watching fireworks.” Contrasting opinions…yet BOTH women are “experts”. Hmmm…food for thought…okay…problem solved…OK pays better than US and can get their experts to say whatever they want depending on the tone of their story. Either that or US was sick of throwing the Faniston’s a bone and even they couldn’t pretend there was hope for a reunion…)

Caption of photo of Brad & Angie – “They were happy to be honored, but being home with the kids is the only time they’re really comfortable,” a source says of Pitt and Jolie. (Sidebar: Geez…maybe that’s because when they’re at home they aren’t getting ambushed on the red carpet by some snot-nosed kid interning at some lousy craptoid who’s asking them dumb questions about his ex-wife. Could just be me though…)

Photo of Brad & Angie with a quote in a big circle (it’s annoying how they stick these things on top of pictures simply because they couldn’t’ work the quote into the story!) – “Brad and Angie heard Jen was coming and (in bold!) it annoyed them. They didn’t want the night to be about the drama.” A source close to Pitt tells US. (Sidebar: And yet your asstern ran over to Brad and asked him about X when you KNEW he didn’t want to talk about it? These asswipes need to count themselves lucky that Brad isn’t Woody Harrelson!)

Sidebar: HOW THEY AVOIDED EACH OTHER – An elaborate dance kept (in bold) Aniston and (in bold) Brangelina apart all night. (Sooo….what? They bolded the names just in case you forgot who the story was about?)

4:40 pm – Pitt and Jolie arrive on the red carpet. Later Aniston sneaks in a side door. (Sidebar: Wonder if she was singing “I Have Con-fee-dence in ME!”)

5:29 pm – Pitt is the last celeb to take his seat. Backstage, Aniston waits to present. (Sidebar: What US really means is, “Aniston locked herself in the ladies room to do a bump before taking the stage to present her award.”)

6:07 pm – Once Aniston introduces the nominees for the animation category, she looks right at Pitt – not Jolie – and smiles. (Sidebar: And Brad looked at Angie and said, “Remind me of this later – not pet rabbits for the kids!”)

6:35 pm – Aniston tells US she was nervous. Copresenter Black says, “She was a pro!” (Sidebar: What US really means is, “Someone, who was not us, who was allowed in the press room asked Aniston if she was nervous…”)

6:47 pm – Aniston finally takes her set next to beau Mayer – 15 chairs away and one row back of Jolie and Pitt. (Sidebar: Where upon she proceeded to stare holes in Brad’s back for the next 2 ½ hours. Finally Brad turned to Angie and said, “If you think she’s annoying now, you should have been married to her!”)

7:33 pm – Jolie and Pitt walk to the lobby. Aniston remains seated. (Sidebar: This is included solely because US is attempting to prove that there was a deliberate plot to avoid each other. What so conspiratorial about 4 people who DON’T all have to go to the bathroom at the same time?)

7:44 pm – Aniston and Mayer head to the green room; in the lobby, Pitt refuses to discuss his ex-wife. (Sidebar: Soooo…didn’t Tim Gunn say Brad’s PR people said they wouldn’t be giving interviews? Basically US is admitting that they ambushed Brad about something they’d already been told he wouldn’t discuss. Yet they claim he “snapped” at them and “lost his cool”? Where’s Woody when you need him…)

8:55 pm – Postshow, Mayer and Aniston duck through a side door into the green room. Pitt and Jolie hang back to chat with other celebs. (Sidebar: Soooo….here’s what I’m getting out of this…X couldn’t be bothered to chat with any other celebs if there was no photog handy to take a picture. Either that or everybody was pissed that she showed up where she didn’t belong and ruined THEIR night.)

9:08 pm – Jolie and Pitt are among the last to leave the theater. Once the coast is clear Aniston and Mayer slip out. (Sidebar: ROTFL. Basically X didn’t want to leave before Brad and Angie because she knew after fucking up her award the tabs would say she ran away from the scene of her embarrassment. Instead she hangs out in the green room – where the media aren’t allowed – and waits until she knows Brad and Angie are gone before hightailing it out of there. Either that or she was chain-smoking her nerves away and begging a bump off someone...)

10:01 pm – At the Vanity Fair party, Extreme Makeover: Wedding Edition’s Steve Kemble tells US, “Jen always looked like she was looking out of the corner of her eye, watching for Brad and Angelina.” (Sidebar: LOL. Coke does make a bitch paranoid.)

Sidebar – WHO THEY HUNG OUT WITH

Nothing scintillating here – pix of Angie with Winslet & Mendes, Mickey Rourke & Ann Hathaway. Ooops…my bad…The X pix…

- With Christina Applegate & Gwen Stefani – Gwen is standing between X and Christina…and looks about 5 years younger than X even though she’s only about 3 months younger. Ouch.

- X and The Urinator with the Seinfelds – ain’t nobody looking too thrilled in this pic except Jerry, who for some reason has a big silly grin plastered on his face. His Mrs.’ face is half-grimacing like, “I DO NOT want to be been with this woman, but Jerry got his way…for a change.”

- Of course US included one of the pix of X plastered against Streep’s back. X is looking dead at the camera, natch…Streep is looking at someone over the cameraman’s shoulder and not paying any attention to X whatsoever. Story of her life and pretty much explains WHY she went to the Oscars in the first place, “I WILL NOT BE IGNORED…BRAD!”

Okay…that concludes the US Lies Weakly story…sorry I didn’t have any fun videos for this story. Those damned people at US are no fun! Why can’t they write sophomoric tales of true love deferred for the sake of 6 wee bairns and an obsession with a lusty sex goddess like everybody else? Damn Min and her misguided notion that she’s actually running a “news magazine”!